Monday, 21 July 2014

Journey back to Delhi after vacation.

"it was one fine early evening when i come from Bhutan to Delhi recently after two months of my vacations where i was totally lost and found myself haunted. sometimes we don't know what is happening inside us, around us and all, until some clear incident let us discover."
on the very night of 13th July, as always before i left for abroad, away from my close ones, i use to bid fare well through calls and unlike before days, it saddens me when almost all cried , when almost has shed tears and moreover when they all share the touching stories of how they felt, how they reacted, when they didn't able to connect to my mobile phone for the long hour it made me feel so touch. On that very day i was just travelling from Samdrup jongkhar to Phuentsholing and mostly you know we used to reach early then 4 PM in the evening but that time unluckily due to vehicle problem, i reached very late and in those borders, mobile phones don't work.
The next day, i have to leave for Delhi on 2 PM the early evening, i was by then not really prepared to move on, as this time unlike before for one year, i will not see my parents, see my close one and especially my little baby stupid girl who drives me crazier each moment. when i think of the year to stay without able to see them, i felt so down and destroyed, but at least inside me, there glows a little flame that always give me a hope to move on. 
The very early morning, like usual for 700 days ago, i started to miss her, i started to get haunted, and when i think of the before days to have to stay without her sound of laughter, smiles to see, voices to hear i get more destroyed and it was terrible with each moving seconds of the time. I don't know whether i was prepared or not, but i have to by law, but luckily as sometimes, as said" expects the unexpected" on the very sad day, one of my biggest day arrive, where i was so happy, where i have forgotten every thing and just felt i was on top of the world. "she knows better why?, she knows better how? and i thank her so much for always giving me a million reason to move on with life strongly, a millions justification for making me discover that i can do it and she is always my north star who inspires me. without her, i don't know if i can move on with life, but i admit the truth, it would be the damn difficult and greatest challenge for me, that's why i always wanted to be with her forever.

By then exactly at 11 AM i started my journey from Phuentsholing to train station to catch the train by cab. with each seconds then my breath grew heavier, i felt that so strongly, i look back once again, and started missing all those biggest times and never wanted to go further but i have to by any means. sometime's i felt life is cruel and in one way, i felt life itself is an obstacles and i started preparing for the last time. I dragged my diary from the laptop bag, started flipping the pages and started reading those beautiful writing of my angel who have written after my several request. i was so touched, i laughed several times, reading her writes and i am laughing right now too when i think of that. 
No sooner when i was reading then we have reached train station, and after 30 minutes we got in train and started our journey. once again i was feeling so heavy, i really didn't like those feelings, those heaviness that make me feel so blue, lost and raw. That very late night when every one was sleeping, through the windows of train, i look up in the sky, but as usual i could not see any single stars when usually watching from India and more over it was a bit of pinhole, when watching from the window to longest distance, and yap i tried to listen to songs, and doing so many things, but nothing help me to get better. but here i will admit the truth, what i did the most , one of the most repeated things in my life without feeling bored rather which made me feel so good, touched and happy.

The truth is, i flipped over the diary pages which have few writings over and over again and i just wish, if she could have written and have filled up all those pages. her writings, made me feel so good, special and seriously that was when i think, even the simplest stuffs in the world help us move strongly without fearing anything in the world.
and in midst of this story i have by then reached to Delhi and with smile, i started to begin my session well, as i wanted to bring the biggest smile in her, which is the most important wish for me.
Thank you tsagyem for always making me feel blessed, without you it would be a greatest war. your presence every where is my happiness that makes me do well in everything.