Growing up in my eye

I wish to photograph all the troubles that come by the journey of life, so there by I could edit all the stories like the novelist, like a mason where I can dressed the wall with all my styles of variety of stones, like the chef where I can cook the dishes of my taste so that it becomes the sum of all the parts that people usually call “beauty and perfect” like the beautiful rainbow in the light rain. 

Right at this moment, seriously I don’t know what I am doing right now, I don’t know what I want to do, and what I am suppose to do but still I am awake like an insomniac. I am right here as always sitting on my old chair, with the laptop on the desk with the flooded thoughts on; ‘what really is the purpose of life?’ in fact there must be hell lot of reasons but there is no single thing that I could really get it.

Searching, fighting and  trying to live a life that is given to us,  everyone struggles through the series of battles and most people whenever they saw a person battling irrespective of the blood relations, either the first or last word would be “that’s a life” “this is a life” “this is a how it works” and indeed for a few time’s I did use it to few, but lately I found it’s a little strange, because it’s never easy to adjust with whatever life throw upon us when sometime it’s off the shoulder, that’s why the war become worst  and suffered pain has lots of wounds with the thousands of story to tell.

When I was a kid living under the shell of lovely mom and dad, I use to think everything is just wonderful, life filled with joys and wonders, because all problems was solved before it comes to me, everything I wish was granted and it was one of those beautiful moments of life. I really do cherish always and sometime’s when the sky gets rough, I just wish to get back to those days and never want to grow because even if growing up physically is easy,  growing up with the life that throws upon is never easy as it use to be.  I don’t know if I am doing the right thing that I wanted to do for the best of my life, best of my loved ones and to the country that I have to serve, as usually I found myself getting lonelier each days inside, the works that I have to do is most of the time forgotten and sometimes I don’t know what I am potent of?  Seriously, sometimes I feel like I am forgetting to live the life, the purpose of life and my works.  I don’t know if you all feel the same but there’re sometime’s a certain stage where your day starts and end’s without doing nothing, totally doing nothing at all.

 The time in life keep slipping by yet I didn't discovered what I really wanted to be? Though by my profession that I am taking, I would be a pharmacist, but again I wonder, if it would be the best of me that I love, because “being in love” with everything is the true solution to every obstacles. Sometimes I am afraid if the life is always in this way, because what I witness in life is, so many people struggles doing work, struggle battling each day trying to survive and haven’t seen one doing work with love and will , though at the end survival is must. This is the point when I come to compare the same thing with them, because thousandths face a battle not just because they are forced too, but due to the choices and will, the affection and chemistry in whatever we do. I think if there is a will and love, everything becomes fairer or my whole of build up thought’s. But if it’s my build up thought’s I wonder sometime’s why sometime’s day ended doing nothing, though there is hell lot to shoulder.

a question of "Do i really have the enough experience or acquire the thing that i need what i am doing? and if i am fueling to grow bigger? worries me each night, yet i couldn't do any better.