Broken shoulder in COLD.

The broken shoulder pains much in cold,
Coldness make more terrible,
Terrible as nail on the feet.
Unthinkable,unmovable and unbearable.

Yet,biting senseless lips,
Rubbing hands to warm cold nails,
Panting with huge breath of air, like a smoke from the kitchen.
And with wish of warmth,
Just to feel ..passes long dying in the sweet cold.

My broken shoulder,

when coldness hit,

when thought extends to ocean,

when i care too much, it pains unbearably, otherwise it's good.

Good enough that i am damn good.

 Snows beautiful but freezing cold.

Window to the world, to the falling snows,

Beautiful, white and clean awakes your dozed heart;

Available oxygen to love’ a huge joys, you feel breath there.

Never seen something beautiful, you felt,

 But why you feel still cold at slight?

There you wish a little warmth so desperately, that you always live with.

You can’t stay forever somewhere like this,

But you feel you can, but it’s just as you hatch out of total hibernation,

Believe me for thy love.

Happiness yesterday took on top of world right?

Sentenced today destroyed you right?

What’s next, it’s you how you keep walking.

Snow’s are beautiful but it’s too cold.

  

What love taught me about life.

One night, when my lady couldn't attend me like usual, having nothing to do and feeling bored, I tried to catch some sleep but I landed up for more than an hour drooling over the bed, hugging pillow tight, trying hard to sleep, trying not to think and yeah suddenly thought flashed with a question; what is the biggest thing that you have ever experienced/learned being in love?   It was something that I can’t express in a word nor in sentence, it was something more than the short answers, and that’s how I came into this piece of another true story.

Since from the time when I fall in love with my lady who is unimaginably sexy and beautiful, the biggest part of war that still continues is the story of missing her.  I didn't know that I would land up missing her so badly, but it does so huge that some time even a day becomes so dry and tasteless when I couldn't get to talk and chat with her.

Usually being in love so tenderly, sincerely, faithfully and with all heart a person took us way far, where no matter what you do, no matter where you are, no matter where you go, a thought of person keeps flooding and drives us crazy each seconds.  The pain of missing is serious sickness where no matter what you do; you just want to get near her. It was my real experience of war after falling in love since for more than one and half year.  Here, I admit being in long distance relationship is the biggest war, but it’s a huge lesson in my life, as I get to discover how much she matters the most and her absence made me realize, how hard the life would be, as day without her showed upon me. (If we really don’t care the presence of anything, we don’t really know the value…it’s the absence that teach us)

Apart from (struggles) the story of missing, it also gave me huge lessons, teaching and understanding of where life really starts.  I don’t know when I really have all this huge impact after being in love, but yeah since from the time, when I started falling, I started learning to grow intellectually, spiritually and physically. I don’t know how far, it depends on the pair in relations, but yeah if there is love, there is always a will to do, there you find a door that open even its close, in fact some might deny with respect to their own status of living and relation, however It’s simple truth that would never die If you start learn to love willingly with a heart despite of your natural emotions.  Feeling of so warm, so much of positive energy, happy and sweet would come emotionally as you start falling but if you really don’t nurture with your emotions, it’s also a thing that can die. Everything in this world is subjected to all this matter of life. That’s what I interestingly found through the road that I traveled.  And yeah without having to mention, everybody witness and understand how everything wither, like the flower to end of spring. we know It’s not that flower really can’t blossom in other season, but it’s not as favorable as in particular month, thus what I really mean is if there isn't a sufficient attention of love, care and prayers everything starts to shrivel, no matter how much rich the world would be. (This is one of the biggest experiences that taught me not just to let emotions come naturally, but to put it into live)

 Without having to mention, people all around the globe must have their own cemented views on life after and before falling in love, and to me it’s something magical, something that I have never been through my life. Being in love is a special gift of strength and energy.  

Yet again there is another interesting part of story; being in relation, one becomes the part of another after falling for each other with all those tremendous emotions of love.  But have you wondered this, you know, no matter how much you’re madly in love, the problem of misunderstanding, jealousy, mistakes, so on never leave anyone. I call this “war of love”.    Spending time together minutes and hour, days and night, weeks and months with each other, some point of times problem arises making heated situation, where we are left with no word’s (speechless) and even if we explain, they don’t care, just as all human being where they try to defend one.  Sometimes it landed up to situations where you become so angry that you even don’t care what ever words come from your mouth.  And yeah almost for more than couples of our problems we landed up to all this situations, but I still know that no matter whether I am right or wrong, I always try to be the first person most of the time to say sorry and she never fails on her part to understand me in the most appreciated way. When I look back through the journey that I traveled with her, no matter how much far, separated we are, being in love gives us the strength to move with time. (I complained for the night being so dark, but if night isn't dark, stars would fail to look so bright and beautiful, that was a feeling she give me, an experience of love that teach and groomed me.)

I still remember how she smile big when i see for the first time, her smile "a krypton" of my heart

(ode to my lady)

I watched moon right above,
Judged over periods with love.
It was all same;
smiling big and beautiful with name.
Saw them lonely always in dark and horror night,
but they smile with light.

{Didn't knew the life has started, but it has already showed on me, it was all her that made me believe when I was yearning. She proved to me always with the strength of smile that rarely withers, I still remember how big she smiles when I saw her for the first time. Being in love and being yours is always the special feeling of blessed that you made me feel, you gave me the light of life that will never fade. You’re everything that I am for.]

It is not a story that I want to show that my relation is big, it’s especially my thankfulness for my lady for teaching me the reality of life, an experience of being in love and a message to the world that;

You will never know when you will fall in love, and when you fall for someone, you will know that it’s something that you have never been through. Preserve and protect what you fall for, for thy it will be only one that will keep you lighted when whole world become dark.

An hour of beat with gentle passing day.

Its no easy to pass by the gentle days,
It's harder each hour.
May not know how hard,
But it's difficult that it even give me a cramp right on my thought; i am so lost without you.
An hour of beat passes, and a dark slowly swallow the gentle night.
The birds start chirping louder and then fainter each second,
Everything soothes down slowly.
But my thoughts was same as what it was like when i wake up.
Where,I started to miss you from the early morning,
And right there i want to get back near to you,
Right next to you; where i wanted to keep watching you smiling with love.
Without you, i am so lost.
Without you everything is so tasteless, charmless and dry.
It's all you who set heaven for me.
For thy absence, i am so lost.

what ever i do, where ever i go,  the first thing that keeps coming to my mind is always YOU. you're like the first ray of sunlight that show to me.

i miss you more.

“STRENGTH IS LIFE, WEAKNESS IS DEATH”

.. very early morning, I woke up, got dressed into fine collar and chinos, collected lap coat from drawer and picked practical book from my study table to go to class, Suddenly my usual day work changed its course though it wasn't  unexpected..........

Starting from last night, repeatedly I was requested by one of my friend to help one brother who came from Bhutan to New Delhi to process his visa card for master study in United Kingdom as there is no facility accessible in Bhutan.  At the very first instant of his request , I denied with all silly excuses about my classes and my tough semester, in fact the reason is more and yeah I do have to attend classes regularly, as it’s bit a difficult semester for me unlike my first and second year of my course. But he didn't really took into consideration, suddenly a thought popped in my mind wondering why he can’t go and help him rather making a big branches of chain and after few minutes of our pause, “ tashi, choe ghi dhi VISA tshu process bey ni ghi korley shey lo mena, atshi help bey jin oi”  he told me to help him. I was by then left with no other choices than to let him know and explain about my condition this days; where I am financially broke , and that was the reason why I kept denying, still then I don’t know what was wrong, he had a more addition on it and somehow without finalizing anything, we went off to sleep.

The very next morning I was about to go to class, but suddenly I was stopped by yesterday’s undone stuff. I denied again saying and explaining everything to my friend thinking at least he will understand my situation better, but he didn't take any heed. I felt so childish denying and explaining to him time and again, and moreover felt sorry for that brother who came to process VISA and finally made my mind to go and help him to do his work, gathering all my strength, gathering all my power, standing tall even if I am financially broke. Actually what my thought was, ‘at least I must have some amount to help him move place to place, even If I can’t offer any big and special help, because I am the one who is staying here in Delhi and won’t face any problem as it’s my second home for now and he has just came for the VISA processing and would cost him a lot moving up and down, here and there’ thus reasonably I was weakened even If I want to help.

By around 9 am in the morning, by auto I took him to Axis bank which is located in CR park, greater kailaish, a few kilometer east from my university to deposit his fees for the VISA charges with referring to my fresh idea which I got a week ago after helping to process one of my relatives VISA and as he said me that, he can deposit from any international credit card, but as we reach their sadly the axis bank wasn't doing the fee payment and receiving for United kingdom VISA applicant. By then after few minute we headed to Trade tower, located in Nehru place where the appointment for all type VISA are done there  to ask the specific banks where he can deposit as he can’t access to online payment, but  they didn't give any clear idea, rather a short cut to go back to try again for online payment.

Once again we came back to the internet cafe’ to make online payment which nearly takes 20 to 30 minutes, there I stayed sitting outside waiting and wishing his work to be successful while he was processing his work, suddenly from nowhere again a thought of my last night and today morning situations came back flooding and I was just made to think, questioned myself and it was almost like monologue with my thoughts and constants nod with regard to a life and it’s challenge. That very time, thought of life has bothered me too much to the extent that I was lost in the midst of crowded city watching people walking here and there in the scorching sun, I was lost looking at those stray people begging, I was lost in random activities and reactive thoughts and I was just smiling to myself that, life is a real challenge that keep testing us .By then it was already 2 pm and I was still waiting for him, and a few minute later, his voice came saying , ‘bro, what shall we do now?  It’s again unsuccessful’ and yeah by that time we are left with no choice other than to make call to sir who deals with the VISA processing’s to ask for help and luckily he asked us to come up to discuss the matter. By then we walked to the main road to catch auto for going to Bhutan embassy which was located in race course, which nearly take more than an hour. Suddenly, as we pass down the street, I found a script lying on the dirty ground with just few sentence clear to my eyes, which states; “strength is life and weakness is death” and something like…power and all…and that very time, I felt that, that was an answer to life.  Because, most of us have the capacity to do, the most of us has the ability to fight, but the problem is just because of some weakness, we are brought down and that’s when we fail.  That was the one of very clear incident when I discover that, every human has more power to do than the average usual stuffs that we do, all we fail is to recognize our own potential.

Yeah after an hour, I guess almost around 3:30 pm we reached there at Bhutan embassy, had talk and discuss with the person who deals with the VISA and he gave the very detail explanation and he offered the help too. Which then after so long and tiring day, it was like an answer come true to the question that we struggled for a day.

After that, I reach back to university, took a short nap and was just thinking about the day and I was at least satisfied helping him, and yeah the lesson was big. You know, the early morning, even if I am going with him to help his work, I felt so uneasy as I was financially crunched and that totally don’t let me to be the real me, but as mid of day passed and seeing the script lying, it was like an answer, because strength is really a life and weakness is death.

Yeah everyone has the power to do more than what we do every day, but most of us get feared easily when things don’t gather peacefully. That’s what we are stopped constantly from doing something bigger than the big.  As such there is nothing to get off, all we need is to get prepare whole time smiling and being happy , because life has been that way always and no one can change. Life itself is an obstacle.

Journey back to Delhi after vacation.

"it was one fine early evening when i come from Bhutan to Delhi recently after two months of my vacations where i was totally lost and found myself haunted. sometimes we don't know what is happening inside us, around us and all, until some clear incident let us discover."

on the very night of 13th July, as always before i left for abroad, away from my close ones, i use to bid fare well through calls and unlike before days, it saddens me when almost all cried , when almost has shed tears and moreover when they all share the touching stories of how they felt, how they reacted, when they didn't able to connect to my mobile phone for the long hour it made me feel so touch. On that very day i was just travelling from Samdrup jongkhar to Phuentsholing and mostly you know we used to reach early then 4 PM in the evening but that time unluckily due to vehicle problem, i reached very late and in those borders, mobile phones don't work.

The next day, i have to leave for Delhi on 2 PM the early evening, i was by then not really prepared to move on, as this time unlike before for one year, i will not see my parents, see my close one and especially my little baby stupid girl who drives me crazier each moment. when i think of the year to stay without able to see them, i felt so down and destroyed, but at least inside me, there glows a little flame that always give me a hope to move on. 

The very early morning, like usual for 700 days ago, i started to miss her, i started to get haunted, and when i think of the before days to have to stay without her sound of laughter, smiles to see, voices to hear i get more destroyed and it was terrible with each moving seconds of the time. I don't know whether i was prepared or not, but i have to by law, but luckily as sometimes, as said" expects the unexpected" on the very sad day, one of my biggest day arrive, where i was so happy, where i have forgotten every thing and just felt i was on top of the world. "she knows better why?, she knows better how? and i thank her so much for always giving me a million reason to move on with life strongly, a millions justification for making me discover that i can do it and she is always my north star who inspires me. without her, i don't know if i can move on with life, but i admit the truth, it would be the damn difficult and greatest challenge for me, that's why i always wanted to be with her forever.

By then exactly at 11 AM i started my journey from Phuentsholing to train station to catch the train by cab. with each seconds then my breath grew heavier, i felt that so strongly, i look back once again, and started missing all those biggest times and never wanted to go further but i have to by any means. sometime's i felt life is cruel and in one way, i felt life itself is an obstacles and i started preparing for the last time. I dragged my diary from the laptop bag, started flipping the pages and started reading those beautiful writing of my angel who have written after my several request. i was so touched, i laughed several times, reading her writes and i am laughing right now too when i think of that. 

No sooner when i was reading then we have reached train station, and after 30 minutes we got in train and started our journey. once again i was feeling so heavy, i really didn't like those feelings, those heaviness that make me feel so blue, lost and raw. That very late night when every one was sleeping, through the windows of train, i look up in the sky, but as usual i could not see any single stars when usually watching from India and more over it was a bit of pinhole, when watching from the window to longest distance, and yap i tried to listen to songs, and doing so many things, but nothing help me to get better. but here i will admit the truth, what i did the most , one of the most repeated things in my life without feeling bored rather which made me feel so good, touched and happy.

The truth is, i flipped over the diary pages which have few writings over and over again and i just wish, if she could have written and have filled up all those pages. her writings, made me feel so good, special and seriously that was when i think, even the simplest stuffs in the world help us move strongly without fearing anything in the world.

and in midst of this story i have by then reached to Delhi and with smile, i started to begin my session well, as i wanted to bring the biggest smile in her, which is the most important wish for me.

Thank you tsagyem for always making me feel blessed, without you it would be a greatest war. your presence every where is my happiness that makes me do well in everything. 

My words in our pages.

It's true i speak  louder, 
and yap it's real i get wilder,
It's true i do nag for the million time's,
and yap it is never wrong for i open up myself in different views,
it's true i seek thousand explanation,
And damn true i genuinely question you more than necessary,
No wonder my lady,
No more wonder,
It's not a single word in my pages that slipped from my mouth when i fail to put into
and neither to judge you;
Judging to make it messier before it turns beautiful.
It's not that i do every time to snatch those freedoms,
a freedom to domesticate you. 
It's simple and sincere;
It's's all those that begins from mad love and extreme care that has grown from the time you appear,
Like those plants that grows even through broken walls,
Since from the time when i get into you totally.
Beginning the dawn when you show me the love in my love completely
It's all those sincere love, that born everything crazily,
with huge madness, it's a word of my page for why i bother you so much.