In the womb of cliche days

Waking up with each dawn break;

Walking the road given,

Working the with task you're responsible of,

Walk of life is all the same most of the time.

It’s tiresome and bored.

Exhausted and monotonous,

Tired and uninspired,

Waiting for that someday to be “energetic and young”

But in that womb of repeated cycle,

Do you ever come across, when you meet whole of yourself? When you meet whole of the surrounding that you live with?

I did, not so long and discovered, ‘people can’t be really defined” with whole sort of multidimensional, complex, complicated build up ideas, feeling’s, instinct founded with every bit bricks on the body and  in heart.

Growing up in my eye

I wish to photograph all the troubles that come by the journey of life, so there by I could edit all the stories like the novelist, like a mason where I can dressed the wall with all my styles of variety of stones, like the chef where I can cook the dishes of my taste so that it becomes the sum of all the parts that people usually call “beauty and perfect” like the beautiful rainbow in the light rain. 

Right at this moment, seriously I don’t know what I am doing right now, I don’t know what I want to do, and what I am suppose to do but still I am awake like an insomniac. I am right here as always sitting on my old chair, with the laptop on the desk with the flooded thoughts on; ‘what really is the purpose of life?’ in fact there must be hell lot of reasons but there is no single thing that I could really get it.

Searching, fighting and  trying to live a life that is given to us,  everyone struggles through the series of battles and most people whenever they saw a person battling irrespective of the blood relations, either the first or last word would be “that’s a life” “this is a life” “this is a how it works” and indeed for a few time’s I did use it to few, but lately I found it’s a little strange, because it’s never easy to adjust with whatever life throw upon us when sometime it’s off the shoulder, that’s why the war become worst  and suffered pain has lots of wounds with the thousands of story to tell.

When I was a kid living under the shell of lovely mom and dad, I use to think everything is just wonderful, life filled with joys and wonders, because all problems was solved before it comes to me, everything I wish was granted and it was one of those beautiful moments of life. I really do cherish always and sometime’s when the sky gets rough, I just wish to get back to those days and never want to grow because even if growing up physically is easy,  growing up with the life that throws upon is never easy as it use to be.  I don’t know if I am doing the right thing that I wanted to do for the best of my life, best of my loved ones and to the country that I have to serve, as usually I found myself getting lonelier each days inside, the works that I have to do is most of the time forgotten and sometimes I don’t know what I am potent of?  Seriously, sometimes I feel like I am forgetting to live the life, the purpose of life and my works.  I don’t know if you all feel the same but there’re sometime’s a certain stage where your day starts and end’s without doing nothing, totally doing nothing at all.

 The time in life keep slipping by yet I didn't discovered what I really wanted to be? Though by my profession that I am taking, I would be a pharmacist, but again I wonder, if it would be the best of me that I love, because “being in love” with everything is the true solution to every obstacles. Sometimes I am afraid if the life is always in this way, because what I witness in life is, so many people struggles doing work, struggle battling each day trying to survive and haven’t seen one doing work with love and will , though at the end survival is must. This is the point when I come to compare the same thing with them, because thousandths face a battle not just because they are forced too, but due to the choices and will, the affection and chemistry in whatever we do. I think if there is a will and love, everything becomes fairer or my whole of build up thought’s. But if it’s my build up thought’s I wonder sometime’s why sometime’s day ended doing nothing, though there is hell lot to shoulder.

a question of "Do i really have the enough experience or acquire the thing that i need what i am doing? and if i am fueling to grow bigger? worries me each night, yet i couldn't do any better. 

 It doesn't ends, until we keep it.

The open cycle, but endless,
I walked this road knowing i will be some day there,some where undeniably better.
But whole thing keeps following up an another steps.
I know a desk some where is waiting for me,
But didn't know until now that, that desk will naturally follows up to other.
Generally the story is; cycle is endless.

Experiences and how really i feel being in love? 

1. What is the most single experience being in love?
- Being love is something undefinable, something huge and like you have seen a light only after century.
Being in love and be loved is totally special, spiritually blessed and the reasons of happiness that you have struggled each single minute in numerous days.  The experience of being in love is, i always find a reason, an energy when ever  i am in deficit to live to fullest. Love is magical.

2. What is the greatest battleship in "a war of love" that ultimately turns to make you believe, life is beautiful? 
- Out of hundred and one, one biggest battle ship is being far away " a distance".
Being far away from love, getting haunted with each single conversation, touches of kisses and soft hugs, crazy stuffs that i do with my lady is the biggest war. When all those memories come flooding with conditioned, being unable to touch and feel becomes the greatest suffering. In fact, all those turns to a beautiful reason where it clearly gave me message , it's a stepping stone for the glory for a time to come. all we need is patience.

3. It's true that in every relation , sometime's there comes a storm and lightening, how do you react and what you do?
- It's an undeniable truth, the truth that will never die.
Yeah, it happens sometime where all those situation exhilarate your breath, heart beating arrhythmically, and suddenly when full heart comes to your mouth leaving you speechless, not knowing what exactly to say.
How i react is, yeah at certain i turn so hot, where all those lovely, emotional feeling comes as an anger, but i control, controlled in such way that i don't even speak the commonest slang that we speak when we are angry, and would remember, recollect all those seconds, minutes, hour, days, weeks, month and years that took time to grow so attached inconsiderable of the natural feeling of love, there by i negotiate with the same feeling of love, care, and joy which is just powerful to melt down everything to calm and peaceful.
"imperfection is totally beautiful indeed."

4.What is the craziest memories within your boundary of love?
- huh, :) there is hell lot, lot and more than anything. But i would probably avoid speaking private for now.
Alright, the craziest memories are, in short;
When i make her run and chase doing all those crazy stupid little things,
When i carry her and feel those soft drum beats of heart on my back,
When i couldn't hear her faint, low recorded voices in the messenger clearly and suddenly when i put into woofer and listening again and again each bit of words.
When i do all those stupid little thing like addressing and make her sing.
When there is love, we become younger than a child, happy than the happiest. that's the power of "love"

5.When do you realize , when love is not just a attachment, but beyond the actual meaning?
- Every conversation that we made all along irrespective of topics, and when she share every day to day activities, problems  expecting me to give suggestion, expecting me to help her find solution and generally when she finds me out as a skeleton for the body i realized that love is bigger.
Secondly, every 4 months when i get to meet her, looking into her eyes, kissing and hugging her softly getting long lost,  the actual heaven just picture right in front of my eyes and that feeling is just huge beyond compass of boundary.

6. When did you fall in love and into relationship?
-I met thousand girls, girls with different types of intellect and socialization and yeah i have been in relationship with few, but the truth is i have never felt like what i use to feel now.  Those feeling's were all raw and plain, just like a child's love , must be as a teenage love, that's why i don't even remember when and how i got into all those stories.
I have an another story, story of innocent and simple love, where i fall into her but the most unbelievable thing was none of us initiate like the usual love story where they begin. Just that every single minute we chat and broke into laughter suddenly makes me feel way different- basically a warm and touched. I don't know how i fall into her, but i am sure i did and still does when i see her beautiful face, those aphrodisiac smile, those cute little eye, and generally all with the whole of parts, but in the beginning i have avoided disclosing my feeling, not that i wasn't confident but i thought it would probably look like i was flirting with her, which i don't want her to think that way ever.
But with the time, as i have always thought "love starts with all those simple discovery of willingness and joy" Not only me, Not only her, we both fell into love and i still can't describe how that night was big to me.  I felt happy, complete more than the perfect piece.
That was 13th January, 2013 where i fell into love with my innocent beautiful lady.

7. What do you aspire for now and future?
-I Always want her to know that;
To have a girl friend like her who cares, love me in the most special way and who is always there when i am in need is really a big. i just can't describe.
A message to her;
Every time i need you,
Every time i just need you to be safe and well protected when i am far,
Every time i need you to know "you're beautiful and totally sexy, i just love you so much.
and yeah i loved you, will love you and wanna die old with you.

             Broken shoulder in COLD.

The broken shoulder pains much in cold,
Coldness make more terrible,
Terrible as nail on the feet.
Unthinkable,unmovable and unbearable.

Yet,biting senseless lips,
Rubbing hands to warm cold nails,
Panting with huge breath of air, like a smoke from the kitchen.
And with wish of warmth,
Just to feel ..passes long dying in the sweet cold.

My broken shoulder,

when coldness hit,

when thought extends to ocean,

when i care too much, it pains unbearably, otherwise it's good.

Good enough that i am damn good.

 Snows beautiful but freezing cold.

Window to the world, to the falling snows,

Beautiful, white and clean awakes your dozed heart;

Available oxygen to love’ a huge joys, you feel breath there.

Never seen something beautiful, you felt,

 But why you feel still cold at slight?

There you wish a little warmth so desperately, that you always live with.

You can’t stay forever somewhere like this,

But you feel you can, but it’s just as you hatch out of total hibernation,

Believe me for thy love.

Happiness yesterday took on top of world right?

Sentenced today destroyed you right?

What’s next, it’s you how you keep walking.

Snow’s are beautiful but it’s too cold.

  

What love taught me about life.

One night, when my lady couldn't attend me like usual, having nothing to do and feeling bored, I tried to catch some sleep but I landed up for more than an hour drooling over the bed, hugging pillow tight, trying hard to sleep, trying not to think and yeah suddenly thought flashed with a question; what is the biggest thing that you have ever experienced/learned being in love?   It was something that I can’t express in a word nor in sentence, it was something more than the short answers, and that’s how I came into this piece of another true story.

Since from the time when I fall in love with my lady who is unimaginably sexy and beautiful, the biggest part of war that still continues is the story of missing her.  I didn't know that I would land up missing her so badly, but it does so huge that some time even a day becomes so dry and tasteless when I couldn't get to talk and chat with her.

Usually being in love so tenderly, sincerely, faithfully and with all heart a person took us way far, where no matter what you do, no matter where you are, no matter where you go, a thought of person keeps flooding and drives us crazy each seconds.  The pain of missing is serious sickness where no matter what you do; you just want to get near her. It was my real experience of war after falling in love since for more than one and half year.  Here, I admit being in long distance relationship is the biggest war, but it’s a huge lesson in my life, as I get to discover how much she matters the most and her absence made me realize, how hard the life would be, as day without her showed upon me. (If we really don’t care the presence of anything, we don’t really know the value…it’s the absence that teach us)

Apart from (struggles) the story of missing, it also gave me huge lessons, teaching and understanding of where life really starts.  I don’t know when I really have all this huge impact after being in love, but yeah since from the time, when I started falling, I started learning to grow intellectually, spiritually and physically. I don’t know how far, it depends on the pair in relations, but yeah if there is love, there is always a will to do, there you find a door that open even its close, in fact some might deny with respect to their own status of living and relation, however It’s simple truth that would never die If you start learn to love willingly with a heart despite of your natural emotions.  Feeling of so warm, so much of positive energy, happy and sweet would come emotionally as you start falling but if you really don’t nurture with your emotions, it’s also a thing that can die. Everything in this world is subjected to all this matter of life. That’s what I interestingly found through the road that I traveled.  And yeah without having to mention, everybody witness and understand how everything wither, like the flower to end of spring. we know It’s not that flower really can’t blossom in other season, but it’s not as favorable as in particular month, thus what I really mean is if there isn't a sufficient attention of love, care and prayers everything starts to shrivel, no matter how much rich the world would be. (This is one of the biggest experiences that taught me not just to let emotions come naturally, but to put it into live)

 Without having to mention, people all around the globe must have their own cemented views on life after and before falling in love, and to me it’s something magical, something that I have never been through my life. Being in love is a special gift of strength and energy.  

Yet again there is another interesting part of story; being in relation, one becomes the part of another after falling for each other with all those tremendous emotions of love.  But have you wondered this, you know, no matter how much you’re madly in love, the problem of misunderstanding, jealousy, mistakes, so on never leave anyone. I call this “war of love”.    Spending time together minutes and hour, days and night, weeks and months with each other, some point of times problem arises making heated situation, where we are left with no word’s (speechless) and even if we explain, they don’t care, just as all human being where they try to defend one.  Sometimes it landed up to situations where you become so angry that you even don’t care what ever words come from your mouth.  And yeah almost for more than couples of our problems we landed up to all this situations, but I still know that no matter whether I am right or wrong, I always try to be the first person most of the time to say sorry and she never fails on her part to understand me in the most appreciated way. When I look back through the journey that I traveled with her, no matter how much far, separated we are, being in love gives us the strength to move with time. (I complained for the night being so dark, but if night isn't dark, stars would fail to look so bright and beautiful, that was a feeling she give me, an experience of love that teach and groomed me.)

I still remember how she smile big when i see for the first time, her smile "a krypton" of my heart

(ode to my lady)

I watched moon right above,
Judged over periods with love.
It was all same;
smiling big and beautiful with name.
Saw them lonely always in dark and horror night,
but they smile with light.

{Didn't knew the life has started, but it has already showed on me, it was all her that made me believe when I was yearning. She proved to me always with the strength of smile that rarely withers, I still remember how big she smiles when I saw her for the first time. Being in love and being yours is always the special feeling of blessed that you made me feel, you gave me the light of life that will never fade. You’re everything that I am for.]

It is not a story that I want to show that my relation is big, it’s especially my thankfulness for my lady for teaching me the reality of life, an experience of being in love and a message to the world that;

You will never know when you will fall in love, and when you fall for someone, you will know that it’s something that you have never been through. Preserve and protect what you fall for, for thy it will be only one that will keep you lighted when whole world become dark.