Indefinable day(an excerpt from my story from the diary)

Her cheek was on her hand, Faced down.

And with the closing step that I took,

In minute of time she turned an angle exactly moving her head to look,

There, she was exactly like beautiful rising sun,

Rising above the balcony so greatly glowing,

With the single turn, her hair flowed dressing naturally; 

It was like nature art drawn beautifully.  

And I could see her smile not just on lips but even in the eyes,

Making me almost cries.

She walked toward me innocently and fairly.

But I was still lost in the magic of huge joys madly.

And With my hand over her, hugging so tight,

It was a like drinking water in desert with huge thirst.

And was a moment that I shed tears of huge joys in indefinable happiness,                                                          

Over magical surprise,

(the unforgettable, indefinable and the most gifted day-13th of January 2013. )  

                               

A midnight with FC. Barcelona vs Athletico match( quarter final, second leg. champions league)
                         

                        Today from the early morning, despite having my exam i was waiting curiously for the quarter final for champions league between Barcelona and Athletico madrid which was going to kick off at midnight and seriously i was so sure for Barcelona to get through this second leg so easily, how ever it was total turn out, which made my night so blue. (I supported this club next after Real Madrid so much from the time i started developing as a passionate soccer player and as tonight as the club didn't make it to semi final, it was  a sort of blue night)

As the time approaches for the kick off, I  started making myself comfortable,keeping my water bottle on the table,  arrange  lap top on the desk in clear view and made myself so comfortably leaning on the walls switching on the match from the, sport lemon web site. By then, at around 12:15 the match started and from the very early beginning the half of light was shut down after Athletico Madrid player "keko" made his way through net shortly after 5 minutes from the kick off turning aggregate 2-1. In the very first half, the madrid, played so comfortably, despite the total control of the ball with Barcelona as always and thought that Barcelona had rare chance to turn off the game. By then as second half begins, they started playing defensively which provide a large barrier for Barca to penetrate and to make a way through the net. How ever, despite the strongest defensive play, the Barca, tried so much, did so well and yup got numbers of chance and my light inside started waking up,but as they failed to score, even if the ball was right in front and right from that time, i got an answer and my total light shut down and  i knew it was not a good day for them, indeed a bad day.
Finally as the match ended, the fans of athletico started cheering, and fans of Barca getting dimmer and i was one of them among million taking so much energy cheering up myself alone in the room expecting to win, but they didn't make it as i expected, how ever they tried, played so well and yup made a taste of football as always. Cheers! to Barca and yap congratulate athletico for making to semi final.

        Look From the old chair when I started my college days.

             Have you ever tried going back to those times in your mind when you say?

Upon those worst times;  like whenever you get pissed off over the horrible situation, whenever during broken days or during some awful times when leak into our door saying, life sucks or it’s hell. And comparatively in those happy days when you exclaim wow! What an awesome time/day/moment, when a light has shown upon you. but if we look into closer view, it's all upon us how to make it a day that we want.

Undeniably it must be true to almost all of us with these particular stuffs, even if we don’t speak out. As human, we always have a tendency to cheer only on those times when it glows and get off to the shore during worst times, being negligent to try and standing tall.

Many of us, usually during those worst times, our positive energy lowers down to zero, failing to stand when the situation pulls, failing to fight when situation challenge us, and to put in extra effort when you’re in sheer as during those time’s we never think of the happiness that will come tomorrow and as we don’t know that, the challenges of today give us a total strength to stand tall happily the very next time. Human in general has never been powerful himself to conquer his mind though he can build unimaginable stuff in a minute of time. You know, whenever, when the worst times show upon us, simultaneously it triggered like an antigen and antibody formation, where our mind is filled with all those negativity, heart filled with all those negative feelings( Hatred, Sadness, Anger..Fear...etc), because most of us has never been so successful in conquering our mind. Say for example, if there is very important test like as if do and die for life tomorrow and it was announce just one day ago. If I am not wrong, out of hundredth, ninety nine percent of us would land up getting scare and fear how can I do? With anger, why they didn't announce us earlier? And with sadness and despair, I am poor and I really can’t make it. But if we seriously take into as normal thing in our normal life, will we be scared, angry and sad? I don’t think, because our mind and heart has never been able to focus on our inner thought sometimes. See, we clearly can discover that, the worst time, the worst situation, completely rule us giving us all those negative feeling, and as we grow up on this negativity, thus we land up saying, “Damn! Life sucks, (or something like so poor of me, or what the hell).”  But what we actually need to do is to face it with generating a positive thoughts, standing tall without getting despair with the self trust and courage to move, because life as whole is never on only one thing for all of us and will never will be to make ourselves happy, as we can find many different roads to make it.

Yup similarly, let me go with some positive situations.  Like for example, how you will react when you’re most awaited day show upon what on earth it is. Every one of us, would be heavenly happy and indeed an indefinable happiness that you can’t hold. That’s similarly what happens here too, where the positive situation generate our positive thought, positive energy, feeling and love, thus with mark from our lips with immense happiness inside “ what a perfect day” comes out. But life has never been, so perfect, so pure and permanent, it’s our entire mind that make up.

Looking back sitting from those old chair of my first year college till now, though haven’t spend much time here in India and yet still have couple of year to spend, Fighting every day and night of my 1^st year to the 2^nd year as it’s about to complete, I came to discover with every situation here in India that, nothing is so perfect, nothing is so worst. Many times, as I pass though the street, auto driver, tea maker,  beggar and everything which are fighting for their own living restlessly yet smilingly always give me a reason of more than thousands, that it totally depend upon us how to make it a day. Yap I know, some might argue on this point saying, this is the situation in India, but if we look into with closer view, it’s like our daily challenges that totally build up with our inner strength of mind and heart. Challenges usually are in many different form’s,  and let me tell you, our anger, our sadness, despairs and all around the negative thoughts put us down like we never can wake up. But those of every people working in the street road, living each days fighting in the scorching sun, accepting the truth of challenge, they keep fighting for living, destroying their negative thoughts every time that’s what I call the simple hero of the their own life. Because, many of us whether big or small, rich or poor, we usually face a problem with our negative thoughts to be the hero. If we really think better, the happiness is right next door to us. Therefore, what so important for all of us is, it’s not “what a hell” or “what a big  day”  but every day is the starting of life….to live with hope and dreams with positive energy to face it no matter how worst is the situation.

                      Late afternoon call.

                Like every usual day for me,one Sunday i was sleeping deep on the bed till afternoon, and yap that too i woke up only after mommy called me. When i share all this stuffs, It doesn't mean that I find most of my days in college sleeping, but there is no choice usually in hot summer days, where we can't get outside like other normal days even if want to, where we can't refresh by playing's, going for walk until the evening swallow the day and moreover these days as we are in sort of holiday for the semester exam preparation most of the time, there is nothing to do, so we find time usually sleeping to save boredom and summer heat of India.

Late afternoon, i heard a buzzing bees like sound on my table, time and again and in half sleep i woke up to check and it was a call from my mommy. Suddenly, then i rub my eyes, clear throat to pretend that i was not sleeping till at this time as mommy will definitely feel bad, but as i picked up my phones, mommy knew it that i was just waking up, as usually when we just wake up, our hoarse voice just appear and disclose the truth.  and then she scolded me saying "cheychey,why are you sleeping till late after noon? and i guess you're still sleeping like the way you use to do when you are at home, grow up chey chey with a pause."  then i was smiling drowsily and answered with lies to escape and not to let mommy worries as she most of the time land up worrying, tensing for us. After that, like usual, we find our conversation where by; She always ask me how i am doing? how is my studies going on? how is my health and how is the status of everything in all around and we hanged our phone and by then my sleepiness has already gone but still then i lied down on the bed to get rid of those laziness and the very time, a particular thought sprung up in my mind and i realize one thing. and it's damn true to each and everyone of us.
You know most of the time, we land up pretending, neglecting without getting up and putting our selves into their position, until and unless as time show upon us and make us realize. Obviously i am pretty sure that, not only me, most of the people around the world would find through word to defend everything what they love and what they care. Everyone of us, we do have much to say on thing's we love and care, people we love and care, because simply there is a huge feeling of attachment and love, that's why we never wanted our thing and people to fall down, we always want to look better, best and as we expected, that's why we always have unending says.
Yap sometimes to us, it sounds as complain, scolding and being strict and i don't disregard too, after all it's true to all spring chickens in the world. But until and unless as time come for everyone of us to realize and stop escaping away through lies.
You'll a discover a real meaning out of it.
See, if we really look into with deep focus, you know, like everyone we have a unending words coming inside our mind, crazy feeling in our heart and that's why, we can't stand on seeing what we love and care in wrong positions and as what we expected.
That's why every mom in the world in one way or other way,  they know they're mother and they do always have a responsibility to make their own child better with love and care. That's why be it scolding or advice, harsh or strict, complain or say,  if we really take into greater account, every word that spoke to us is single wisdom for a day to become better human being.
Thus reasonably, we need to understand that, for each and every person to whom we have feeling call love and care,  we always much unending says and complains, 'cause we want the best out of them.

                                         

"definition of the perfect beauty"
looking back from all those time when i was in love( 13-1-2013)to each and every moment i spend, i got million reasons to explain that "love can fight all war" 
a message of dedication to my love that defines my life.

She discovered my real dream.
Indeed, she is an angel that never make me despair a single moment.
Not even day, no matter how harsh.
She not only ease the living days,
But she totally changed the way how i think,

How I look things into

and how i understand the world.

She got to understand that; 

She is the only gift in my life that i am so lucky of,

Who would blow away the harshness.

And give the chance to feel stronger,

Stronger that can stand tall in all times,

No matter how harsh,

No matter how devastating.

Falling in love madly,

Each and every crazy moments

You taught me that:

It’s not necessary to be strong

But to feel strong with brave heart that never quiver.

And  heart that will never quit what you crave for.

You're  my number one,

You're  meaning to a word "perfect" for me.

  Otiose college days. 
( every coming day, it started always the same, waking up late, sleeping late, embracing my inner bird in this way, like there is no time for sleep the very next dawn.)                     

 In the half sleep rubbed my eyes,

Scratched porcupine like hairs fuzzily

And get up most days lazily,

Yet, on the bed several times sways.

With dawn moving away.

The usual day begins in the middle,

When everyone is half way bridged for day.

And it’s been always that way.

The day of all my lazy times

That never sublime.

            No matter how dark, light will always find through.              

   "The hard days, the struggling time has shown to us since a month ago and still it has never leave us from the feet, although not a hard work that involve strength to carry the heavy loads on the uphill sweating, but the stuffs associated with the feelings and mind is a total devastating at a time, when nothing get well and better, when nothing get changes, after every awaited time,waking up every morning with the new hopes."

I really don't know from when it began, when it started making us face hardship and see the frightful challenges, but yup it's been a real hard days at a time for a more than a month, however, we came by without losing hope, never getting devastated, never falling down when a situations keep us pulling and never failing being one, one as united and standing tall in this horrible situations , but still it's been always the same every morning and it's been one of the most awaited time for us.

I don't know, how my buddies replied and will reply, to the most asked question of every day, every time; how is everything? and yup i don't know too how they will describe, if asked to write " a living situation over a month till now"
To this very questions upon every greetings in the university with friends, senior, junior,teacher all around, the definite answer my mouth open to is , ya!i am doing great, trying with a hope inside and to look as if like moving better, but every night when i am about to doze off to sleep and looking back from the time i wake up till to time when i am about to sleep, i get myself question, am i really doing great as i answer always and came to discover that, it's never a been a great day for a month  but yap a good day to be better coined as. it's been almost all the day, a sort of lie i am living with myself and fighting hard to get start well.

To the very next question, it would be a little harder for me. because' in one way, i feel totally impressed, motivated and always standing with a hope along with my cheerful buddies and in another way, if i come by truth, a "broken" as word flash in my mind instinctively.
For this very long time, without never getting devastated, without even complaining, how much ever we're broken, we didn't give up. It's been a real hard time for us, more like we have missed a rain for thousand years, like we're totally dehydrated. But not even once, we felt despaired. because we know there is always a choice, there is always two sides to choose to fight for 2 quarts belly and for living and yup i realize lately that living as it sound simple, but it's not that as it look. it's every day a challenge that arrives to test us. In this span of time, i get to learn a lot, i got inspired and motivated myself, we as a friend didn't give up on none of us, rather we keep supporting each other, none of us tormented with a situation. Sometime's what we really need to keep moving is, we need to forget every bad thing's of a day, and to remember and cherish with a every best thing that happens, after all, life itself is a challenge and we never should loss our moment of time tormenting and getting devastated.

I  choose not to disclose what really 'hardship' is, and what we're struggling from, as i feel it's not really a good idea that i am thinking of, as i have number of reason's, reasons of reasons to explain and feel blessed how much distance and time we traveled together unanimously, because it's a hard thing, one of the hardest in the world to get people together mostly in the hard times.
Forget praising our selves, because we have much reasons to feel proud of. a reason, how we came through, a longest struggle in the broken time's without getting despair.
Still it is same over the past month, attending classes, struggling of our "hardship" which i choose not to disclose, and hoping each and every morning to get well and better, and in deed, i am never gonna feel so poor, so devastated, though a situation is because there are a huge reasons to fight for with numbers of my friends doing the same each day and night fighting for living and breathing.
Yup, i will wait standing tall, i will get up each morning strong, until god answer us for thy to every questions and struggle in life, there is a way to get through and to every sadness, there is a music that will sooth.