Breath.

Yesterday was exactly the point from where my eyes were,
I felt so long,
Heavy was my heart, even million song couldn't do a help.
Time has arrived, flew and even transpired.
Leaving with whole sweet battles and pain, but those were my light.
The road to my heart.

Through the journey of yesterday,
Time has left me tired,
Exhausted was my body, even an hour of rest do nothing better.
Time has arrived, flew and even transpired.
Leaving with whole sweet battles and pain, but those were my light.
The road to my heart.

Tonight time has arrived just like before.
War is on the front whether i like it or not.
But at least a gleam on the corner i could see;
With the road i hit,
With the war i fought,
With the pain i endured
 Finally i could see the light, this is gonna take me home... finally a breath.

   

LONG NIGHT.

  

For the long time when you left me;

I tried walking every road i was given,

I tried smiling every person i passes by,

But inside i was and i am still lonely.

For the long time when you left me;

I tried to cheer with the people around,

I tried to make myself lost doing something,

But inside i was and i am still tortured heavily.

For the long time when you left me;

I tried listening to the musics,

I tried playing the games,

But inside i was and i am still burnt.

Since the long hours without you,

My heart has been still pounding,

My body so thirsty and still sweating,

My mouth still foaming,

I have all those sickness in my head, which hammer me heavily.

I have been a long time without you,

The thing's are still same rough and exhausting since from the point when you left me here.

It's dark like for century, a long night that never cease. 

Only little tough day makes tomorrow better and happier.

Lately I met myself where being weak and worrying never changes everything, because irrespective of anything, everyone is subject to rough days. Neither me nor you can skip, quit or do magic to avoid all this battles of life, because the path of life is just made in one direction. Sun and stars in the sky also don’t show always, sometime’s cloud rules, that’s why the law is comparatively similar on this earth to everything.

I walked a long journey of my life, encounter with so many battles with different degree of toughness, where sometime’s I win, where sometime’s I lose, where sometimes I get carried away with all this heavy weight of suffer and worries, but what I discovered to myself lately was there is nothing call winning or losing or getting carried away, it’s all that we made to ourselves, it’s basically us who give us most of the difficult time’s. That is why; it’s just us, your own self that creates the whole surrounding around you.  We travel here and there, walk so many paths but the entire road is just one way- moving forward and on this road, nobody see the success right in front, neither resolve every complicated situation that arouses then and there, that’s why it’s all those little troubles, a battles, a worries or whatever poison that kills you is the ultimate door to a good time’s.

Being weak never help, rather it weakens you further, worrying too much never changes rather it wears you like the canines that tear off everything, so in order to fight any battle of life, we really don’t need all those sophisticated tools, we really don’t need all those inborn intelligence, we really don’t need a physical strength, so the answer to the question of what we really need is;

Yeah ,People are born with different view and perspectives,  with seed sown on the plate of their mind which they interpret differently, and may be they have their own answer to the above, or maybe they haven’t yet known or in way of searching just like I was before. So to me what I really discovered to myself was, a hero is an ordinary individual who knows how to battle well, how to handle the situation without worrying too much, and of all that little courage that makes a strength and energy to battle. You know, no one has born and died without facing the troubles, it’s that entire little rough situation, an experience that makes a courage, strength, and unbeatable energy in hero. Being weak doesn't change, until you learn to be courageous and endure every worst time.

In the womb of cliche days

Waking up with each dawn break;

Walking the road given,

Working the with task you're responsible of,

Walk of life is all the same most of the time.

It’s tiresome and bored.

Exhausted and monotonous,

Tired and uninspired,

Waiting for that someday to be “energetic and young”

But in that womb of repeated cycle,

Do you ever come across, when you meet whole of yourself? When you meet whole of the surrounding that you live with?

I did, not so long and discovered, ‘people can’t be really defined” with whole sort of multidimensional, complex, complicated build up ideas, feeling’s, instinct founded with every bit bricks on the body and  in heart.

Growing up in my eye

I wish to photograph all the troubles that come by the journey of life, so there by I could edit all the stories like the novelist, like a mason where I can dressed the wall with all my styles of variety of stones, like the chef where I can cook the dishes of my taste so that it becomes the sum of all the parts that people usually call “beauty and perfect” like the beautiful rainbow in the light rain. 

Right at this moment, seriously I don’t know what I am doing right now, I don’t know what I want to do, and what I am suppose to do but still I am awake like an insomniac. I am right here as always sitting on my old chair, with the laptop on the desk with the flooded thoughts on; ‘what really is the purpose of life?’ in fact there must be hell lot of reasons but there is no single thing that I could really get it.

Searching, fighting and  trying to live a life that is given to us,  everyone struggles through the series of battles and most people whenever they saw a person battling irrespective of the blood relations, either the first or last word would be “that’s a life” “this is a life” “this is a how it works” and indeed for a few time’s I did use it to few, but lately I found it’s a little strange, because it’s never easy to adjust with whatever life throw upon us when sometime it’s off the shoulder, that’s why the war become worst  and suffered pain has lots of wounds with the thousands of story to tell.

When I was a kid living under the shell of lovely mom and dad, I use to think everything is just wonderful, life filled with joys and wonders, because all problems was solved before it comes to me, everything I wish was granted and it was one of those beautiful moments of life. I really do cherish always and sometime’s when the sky gets rough, I just wish to get back to those days and never want to grow because even if growing up physically is easy,  growing up with the life that throws upon is never easy as it use to be.  I don’t know if I am doing the right thing that I wanted to do for the best of my life, best of my loved ones and to the country that I have to serve, as usually I found myself getting lonelier each days inside, the works that I have to do is most of the time forgotten and sometimes I don’t know what I am potent of?  Seriously, sometimes I feel like I am forgetting to live the life, the purpose of life and my works.  I don’t know if you all feel the same but there’re sometime’s a certain stage where your day starts and end’s without doing nothing, totally doing nothing at all.

 The time in life keep slipping by yet I didn't discovered what I really wanted to be? Though by my profession that I am taking, I would be a pharmacist, but again I wonder, if it would be the best of me that I love, because “being in love” with everything is the true solution to every obstacles. Sometimes I am afraid if the life is always in this way, because what I witness in life is, so many people struggles doing work, struggle battling each day trying to survive and haven’t seen one doing work with love and will , though at the end survival is must. This is the point when I come to compare the same thing with them, because thousandths face a battle not just because they are forced too, but due to the choices and will, the affection and chemistry in whatever we do. I think if there is a will and love, everything becomes fairer or my whole of build up thought’s. But if it’s my build up thought’s I wonder sometime’s why sometime’s day ended doing nothing, though there is hell lot to shoulder.

a question of "Do i really have the enough experience or acquire the thing that i need what i am doing? and if i am fueling to grow bigger? worries me each night, yet i couldn't do any better. 

 It doesn't ends, until we keep it.

The open cycle, but endless,
I walked this road knowing i will be some day there,some where undeniably better.
But whole thing keeps following up an another steps.
I know a desk some where is waiting for me,
But didn't know until now that, that desk will naturally follows up to other.
Generally the story is; cycle is endless.

Experiences and how really i feel being in love? 

1. What is the most single experience being in love?
- Being love is something undefinable, something huge and like you have seen a light only after century.
Being in love and be loved is totally special, spiritually blessed and the reasons of happiness that you have struggled each single minute in numerous days.  The experience of being in love is, i always find a reason, an energy when ever  i am in deficit to live to fullest. Love is magical.

2. What is the greatest battleship in "a war of love" that ultimately turns to make you believe, life is beautiful? 
- Out of hundred and one, one biggest battle ship is being far away " a distance".
Being far away from love, getting haunted with each single conversation, touches of kisses and soft hugs, crazy stuffs that i do with my lady is the biggest war. When all those memories come flooding with conditioned, being unable to touch and feel becomes the greatest suffering. In fact, all those turns to a beautiful reason where it clearly gave me message , it's a stepping stone for the glory for a time to come. all we need is patience.

3. It's true that in every relation , sometime's there comes a storm and lightening, how do you react and what you do?
- It's an undeniable truth, the truth that will never die.
Yeah, it happens sometime where all those situation exhilarate your breath, heart beating arrhythmically, and suddenly when full heart comes to your mouth leaving you speechless, not knowing what exactly to say.
How i react is, yeah at certain i turn so hot, where all those lovely, emotional feeling comes as an anger, but i control, controlled in such way that i don't even speak the commonest slang that we speak when we are angry, and would remember, recollect all those seconds, minutes, hour, days, weeks, month and years that took time to grow so attached inconsiderable of the natural feeling of love, there by i negotiate with the same feeling of love, care, and joy which is just powerful to melt down everything to calm and peaceful.
"imperfection is totally beautiful indeed."

4.What is the craziest memories within your boundary of love?
- huh, :) there is hell lot, lot and more than anything. But i would probably avoid speaking private for now.
Alright, the craziest memories are, in short;
When i make her run and chase doing all those crazy stupid little things,
When i carry her and feel those soft drum beats of heart on my back,
When i couldn't hear her faint, low recorded voices in the messenger clearly and suddenly when i put into woofer and listening again and again each bit of words.
When i do all those stupid little thing like addressing and make her sing.
When there is love, we become younger than a child, happy than the happiest. that's the power of "love"

5.When do you realize , when love is not just a attachment, but beyond the actual meaning?
- Every conversation that we made all along irrespective of topics, and when she share every day to day activities, problems  expecting me to give suggestion, expecting me to help her find solution and generally when she finds me out as a skeleton for the body i realized that love is bigger.
Secondly, every 4 months when i get to meet her, looking into her eyes, kissing and hugging her softly getting long lost,  the actual heaven just picture right in front of my eyes and that feeling is just huge beyond compass of boundary.

6. When did you fall in love and into relationship?
-I met thousand girls, girls with different types of intellect and socialization and yeah i have been in relationship with few, but the truth is i have never felt like what i use to feel now.  Those feeling's were all raw and plain, just like a child's love , must be as a teenage love, that's why i don't even remember when and how i got into all those stories.
I have an another story, story of innocent and simple love, where i fall into her but the most unbelievable thing was none of us initiate like the usual love story where they begin. Just that every single minute we chat and broke into laughter suddenly makes me feel way different- basically a warm and touched. I don't know how i fall into her, but i am sure i did and still does when i see her beautiful face, those aphrodisiac smile, those cute little eye, and generally all with the whole of parts, but in the beginning i have avoided disclosing my feeling, not that i wasn't confident but i thought it would probably look like i was flirting with her, which i don't want her to think that way ever.
But with the time, as i have always thought "love starts with all those simple discovery of willingness and joy" Not only me, Not only her, we both fell into love and i still can't describe how that night was big to me.  I felt happy, complete more than the perfect piece.
That was 13th January, 2013 where i fell into love with my innocent beautiful lady.

7. What do you aspire for now and future?
-I Always want her to know that;
To have a girl friend like her who cares, love me in the most special way and who is always there when i am in need is really a big. i just can't describe.
A message to her;
Every time i need you,
Every time i just need you to be safe and well protected when i am far,
Every time i need you to know "you're beautiful and totally sexy, i just love you so much.
and yeah i loved you, will love you and wanna die old with you.