MISSING HOME.

“Usually when complete silence evolve as afternoon sink, I find myself into those big room expecting  ‘huge dead log’ on the bed  and when I couldn't see anything, I land up missing both of you terribly”

Just a day ago I got a call from my goddess(mom) and  usually when ever she ring me, the first thing she would  never forget to question me is ‘Hope you’re not sick?’ and upon hearing me ‘sound, fine and perfect’ In sigh of huge relieve she would thank me so much with love and kiss for staying fine and strong. You know, since from the day when I was admitted to ICU in my second year due to severe dengue fever, she always stay with heavy load of tension and worries about my health even if I am an adult now. Sometime I feel terribly sorry for my mom for always giving a trouble instead of helping her as I grow up.

Quite of a long duration we’re in long conversation about home, my studies and normal routines and in middle of conversation unable to hold, in tears she told me,  “ Cheychey,usually when complete silence evolve as afternoon sink, I find myself into those big room expecting both of you like ‘huge dead log’ on the bed and when I could see anything, I land up missing you both”  and to my realization It was exactly 2 pm in the evening when my dad left for office, when my younger brother go to school right after lunch and when she is all alone at home.  I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know how to answer, I was blank and frozen yet with waters in my eye flooding. Sometime’s what I hate the most is, no matter how much I love, no matter how much I care,no matter how much my mom is special to me  I don’t know how to let my feeling come in words and make her feel good.

Following after a minute of silence she told me, “don’t worry alright? actually I was in your room  and suddenly when I expected you and  brother like a dead log on the bed and when I couldn’t see  both of you, I couldn't hold back then calling both of you”  and at last with soft laugh, she whispered ‘What to do? This is your mommy, who loves both of you  that I sometimes can’t digest the absence of you guys’ and she hanged the call telling me to stay strong, healthy and finally teasing me with my girl as always.

Lately i started missing home and my mom so much that sometime's i land up in tears and especially this days, it has been hard times at night, where no matter how much i try to sleep i couldn't and i don't know where my sleeps has fled, and this hard times make me miss my home terribly, because no matter how much i sleep, i still would fall to sleep peacefully till the late evening like mom said "shing tomang"(dead log) and my exhausted body is in need of quiet a long holiday and moreover, i am just saddened with a truth that there is no much time for me to spend time at home happily with mom and dad, as i will graduate soon which closes down my vacation and as time has drawn closer and so near to be one responsible and a grown up man. Time indeed has moved so fast...

Ocean as an ink,  sky as paper, still i would find too less for my words for how much i miss my home and my parent's. 

                              Challenges for good.

Quite a rough day it has been as it happened for the past few weeks but thankful to god as it was at least not to the extend of  tough days when soldier come from the battle field.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow for almost a week or two has been quite a tough time , I would rather prefer saying things that are out of my control has completely rule over me making me sick and sad, but as always I stand tall to fight back just hoping the very next day to be a beautiful morning , as life has totally unpredictable way of treating people where “ even in the worst time, we are still full of blessing”  and even when we are in good times, bad lucks comes unpredictably, such a life is, ‘unpredictable’.

 Most of the time, many of us are blindfold to treat the days same as it has resulted;  worst in worst ways,  good in good ways,  sad in sad ways  where we get little carried away with all those that happened forgetting what will come next, such is the worst kind of human mind so much conditioned like Pavlov dog.

Yesterday- was again more one more sleepless night in row sandwiched in those rough days. I ain’t sure why I even can’t sleep even if I want to sleep and moreover I wasted all of my time since morning  completely doing nothing . You know, I planned to write some articles but my thoughts were drained out,  I thought of going through books, but my energy was zero, I thought of washing my clothes but I was too lazy as always and I was just fucked up.

Sleepless, fucked up and nothing to do,  just like everyone I was back again to my sony experia phone, like everybody in this modern time who gets to their mobile phone like they have to feed always.  By then trying to make myself feel good, I was browsing over some pharmaceutical research articles, some journals, and yeah going through few among million Instagram photos  and out of nowhere I was back again to ‘Facebook and we-chat’ like everyone,  the most visited site of the time that everyone does when ever they have nothing to do and yeah suddenly I landed chatting with one of my closest person who was also going through the similar condition.

Following our conversation about so many stuffs, I didn’t know how time passed, but it was already morning, when I only could realize upon hearing the those loud call of early morning prayers and yeah we decided to sleep. It was 5 am in the early morning, the dawn was yet to break, I adjust myself to sleep with thought-‘ at least I have to wake up early even if I don’t do anything’ but again for couple of minutes, I wasted my time trying sleeping. I was just wondering where my sleep fled until morning light find me through.

It was Saturday, and don’t ask me how was your day?  I didn’t know how It passed, I didn’t even see the sunlight and I knew that was a complete waste of time and I was totally pissed of myself running and ruining all my times.  I was hungry, I was lazy, I was pissed off, I was sick and I am sad, I didn’t know what the fuck I am going to do, it was already night, the time when it come again for sleep.

Later after 5 minutes subduing my laziness, I picked up those dirty bowls, curry cooker, plates and went to tap to wash and prepare food to at least to fill up my empty stomach and rest to leave on its own;  with thought ‘what ever happen will happen and is destined’. And there I was in bath room about to wash, filling up buckets with water, rinsing plates and suddenly when I pick up the dish-washer(pril) I found myself with the ‘morning purifying face-wash ‘ on my hand, breaking up myself into soft laughter. The very time, I didn’t know how my thoughts suddenly clean up and started feeling fresh, but I thought, god at least want us to smile no matter what and there is always a reason in this world for everything to accept.

At last, i recovered everything with smile and was good start to October days ending troublesome September :) .

'EVEN IN THE DIFFICULT TIMES, WE ARE STILL FULL OF BLESSINGS'-  PEMA CHODRON.

A KID I MET ROADSIDE.

Crusted sweats was a road through his dusted face.

His hand were dangling like a pendulum.

His legs were shivering like an alcoholic.

His eyes drowned and dimmed,

So much of stories buried inside.

And i could feel his tighten chest,

That breath stuck on his chest,

I could feel his churning acidified stomach,

That terrible hunger cramp.

So much was a suffering,

Even the death would do justice even if it's early.

     MISTED THOUGHT

The epoch,

Eventuated uncontrollably.

I wonder, if it's hide and seek in deepest dark,

And i ain't sure if i should even believe in transcendence.

A transcendence like mist through walls.

See, its current,

Its floats and waves,

Sweep with blood in veins undistinguished 

Indeed malignantly growing within.

And yet felt controlled on its own.

But why do i feel so drunk on it?

You think it's normal.

 All those furious madness in windows,

With shelf dropping evenly.

And all those hunger of mouth line.

Everybody need love

Yeah, i am a men,
But drawn and magnified;
     To a king,
     To a soldier,
     To a lion,
     To every big and strongest character.
But i am not a rock.
Indeed i still need you.
    You to kiss me through  all the days that comes by,
    You to hug me through all the night that comes by,
    You to care me through all the time when i need,
    You to teach me in all the wrong times that comes by
    You to support me in all the times when i am weak,
Because you are my every thing;
    My crown,
    My arm,
    My kingdom,
And all of you is my womb of where my bravery born.
You are my confidante, a wing that i need to fly.

                                 

This piece of poem is written in one of my cold and desperate college days.
I know it's not as good and beautiful as those influential poets around, but this is basically dedicated to all those people who struggle for all that little love and to those people who are in distanced relationship fighting for the time-a biggest time which they wait for, to  change all their life story into a beautiful one.
In this world, most men and women usually don't open themselves and most of the time, when it comes to relation they hold thing's to the certain extreme that they even get tired and exhausted.  a question is, who is there in this world who don't need love and care?
Acting strong and holding up to things even if you have a place to share makes you no strong then wearing within oneself, an emotional stress can't be dissolved neither be erased until it is suffice by the love that you long for.
A men is strong human being, but still he needs genuine affection and love. It require all that feeling of magic(love) to make everything beautiful and feel good.

UNDEF-EATABLE FORCE. 

Furious waves against front,

Roar consistently loud.

The lightening through dark sky catastrophically electrifying,

 With storm and thunder terrifying.

It was dark as the hell could be,

And heavy rain made it worst.

He groan like thunder in extreme pain,

But rickety leg still keeps up

His texture was lost into blood and mud,

His spirits were destroyed,

His resistance collapsed,

His motivation faded,

His energy exhausted,

His faith lost,

But in the midst of terror , wars and demons,

He still fought with a hope,

A hope that would kiss him one day with happiness.

STORM MAKES YOU STRONGER.

Catastrophic failures:
Like mist through walls,
Storm every now and then,
A battle born,
The journey is tough,
To peak failure rob and
At point feel melted down

A pregnant mind of malformed:
Bred thoughts,
Alarmed emotions and
Suffocate breath.
So much it wounds,
Even unpacking the trusted soldier,
A pregnant mind of rickety thought.

All mighty,
Hear those stories
And bless with light.
To the ultimate,
let them discover;
         'It's okay to get burnt down,
         It's okay to fall down,
          It's okay to be broken.
It's all the blessing that makes you stronger the next dawn fall.

                                          [a men who passes storm becomes steel]
It's basically the true motion of life that test you always how much stronger you are.