FADED WEAPON.

‘ I hate distance and will do now and forever……….’

With those clench knots in belly,  with those frozen bite on four chambered walled organ,  I could exactly picture her long breath of inhale through those cold crisped lips in reference to her thirst of seeing me.  Suddenly I was limited with words, words lesser than it could complete a sentence. I was frozen not knowing what even to tell to make her believe in reality  and to make her feel good.

Since two years eleven month, beginning 13^th of January when we fall for each other, due to our individual responsibilities of life to shoulder, we have been almost all the time faraway from each other and yet we kept moving despite hundreds of barriers hoping some day would come to take us to a place;     when distance fades, when  we can find each others hand and back, when time show on us to spend every day through joys and laughter. 

Along this journey of twist and turns,waiting's and endurance, harsh and sweet, no matter how challenges find us,  we dust off those which eat our harmony keeping faith in miracle that life give and with our infinite affections for each other.  I admit, Having her in my life is one biggest god gift that I receive and dream come true.

Here is an another story of battle.

She is a innocent sweet lady, spiritually and intellectually gifted woman,  bright and  beautiful. She basically do possess every art that I could call “perfect”.

To see bitter in her face, to see her hurt, to see her through floating waves of blues has always make  me cold. As a girl, her make up of mind is just similar to the rest of females,  who worries, who land up getting tensed,  whose heart is so fragile and sensitive.  Sometime, she land up getting her mind poisoned with those challenges and would share me all those troubles that would pinch me. Most of the time, being faraway, the only weapon that I got would be always my sweetened words of inspirations and support, In fact it would be too insufficient for a sinking heart.

Today on 13^th of December, our love counts to two years eleven month. As usual we were on social app sharing and exchanging stories of what has happened in a day. Through the course, she messaged me  “i wish, you’re here with me on this new year eve. I miss you so much that I hate this distance as always now and forever”  

I was frozen cold upon reading,  it wasn’t a fear of what I can’t do but a sweet pain of not giving her the best what she deserve.  I was limited to words, words lesser than it could complete a word.  Most of the time,  I would always find a word to make her feel good and energetic and moreover she believes so much that I always feel blessed  giving her whole to me. 

Today, even all those  sincere  and genuine words that I use as a weapon when far, has also dried up when I see her sinking heart of so much misses and need.

COMPEER

After queue of long exams which almost derange our brain, yesterday we received one best time like god has granted us a wish to relieve ourselves from all the hard times we have been battling. It was totally magical and i saw everyone in four wall enjoying hard with rhythm of floating music forgetting every single worries in the world, indeed it was marvelous. That's why i believe that, we are blessed in infinite ways even during the harsh times.

Yesterday and today( 10 and 11) of December is birthday of my two close friends. Their birthday was plan in such a way for us by god smartly just right after our long week exhausted exams. I thank their mom and dad for giving birth to this two beautiful soul. By the way it wasn't a reason of you two treating us in the best.  hahah, anyways joke apart.

Let me grasp this chance to disclose and let universe know about them as far as i know spending four years of my college days with this two brother, in fact my words would be too insufficient.

He is cool and one passionate footballer that i have came across in the voyage of my life. He is originally from dagana. He did his higher secondary from one famous school in the kingdom (Drukgyel) and after his best performance as smart kid qualifying for further study, i met with him here at DELHI. He is currently pursuing his final year of bachelor's degree in pharmacy.  He is one such cool guy, who can adjust with every kind of situations and of all, the best thing about him is, he will never worry unnecessarily until it is mean to.   Summing up from hundred and one; 

He is a men with integrity and character,  adaptable to any kind of situations, cool, confident, friendly and a full of passion for what he love. His good name is 'Chimi Wangchuk'

He is gentle and a passionate basketball and volleyball player that i have met in my life. He is originally from samtse and did his higher secondary from the same school.  I met him here at college after his qualification for higher studies. He is currently pursuing his bachelors degree in pharmacy in third year.  He is one gentle men who is friendly, open and honest. 

Out of all, he is full of life, fun loving, intiative, friendly and one such wonderful buddy who would love to do fun with. His good name is 'Roshan Rai.

Four years of spending my time here at college with you two is one biggest part of my life and i will surely do cherish throughout my life.  In deed, i am blessed to have such good friends who help me battle the weather of life.

I pay you my appreciation and token of gift through this poor writing. God bless you both and happiness shower like summer rain evergreen. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOTH OF YOU ONCE AGAIN!

REALIZATION

Its been heavy hours since from the beginning of my final exam when i was glued on my old chair, when i was jailed up in four walls with piles of book for so less time that i have got. 

During this stages of cycle my system was fully acclimatized to waking up early without alarm, sleeping late night burning midnight oil, in fact situation was "so many book for so less time" and i did swallowed all the circumstances of massive pitfalls with all the fuel i got, since i have let most of my available time slip like time can regrow. 

Did you ever ask yourself why things are not abundantly rich at a time? like somehow, somewhere there is a pitfalls. Like when you're distanced, you started missing home. Like when winter come, you started missing summer, when you fail you start regretting like if i have tried little, like i do when i have so less time for my book.

Here is the reality; iterative mediocrity when meet the life, question get solved.

Thousand among millions of us, we insufficiently value when everything is richly blossom around us like conditioned and automated machines where our plates are adapted to the normal life situation of wasting time unnecessarily, taking things for granted and hundred more in the list.

What if we really deal with life? Have you ever once gave a thought beyond your normal thinking brain when you're normal? Have you've ever valued a cup of water when you're hydrated or a bowl of rice when your belly is filled?  Rarely we does.

With my final paper approaching tomorrow, after appearing 4 papers of like thousands of pages, studying about million of drug, bells in my head reverberated louder than usual in totally exhausted body and came to the point of why we actually are not abundantly blessed with wealth of life.

If you avoid life, you'll never understand that:  obstacles are normal series of battle in life to door of abundance harmony.

COLD THIRST.

5 AM, cold winter morning!

When my alarm reverberate to the loudest,

I found myself panting to catch the sufficient volume of cold air,

With the wrestling thoughts of dream in my head

When I first open my eyes from sleep.

There, I was sweating.

With random dream of struggling.

She was a subject of my war.

War irrespective of the daylight and dark.

Indeed, her sum find my all days that come.

Subsequent dream that I fought,

Thrust even my 5 AM pure thought.

She has found me even through the breath,

Extending to the widest of breadth,

An expanse of niche i live, she became my air.

Early 5 AM morning,

Alarm buzzed,

There like antelope riding, dream inflicted suffer of massive loneliness,

Added with sweet urgent miss,

With all those dream to wake up by her side each successive morning.

Even a dream she haunted!!!

Uncertainty

Yesterday, deep azure sky flourish,

Amidst golden yellow sun glitter,

Bluish ocean reflects prismatic-ally via whole medium,

Yet those whispering wind flatter flags wonderfully

Air was so much filled with rhythmic melody huge than skyscraper

A realm brimmed with out most joys.

Today deep dark sky over rule,

Thick blanket of cumulus shadowing dark,

Thundered rain disturbed calmest ocean,

Neither music do justice to the cold air,

Nor warmest tulip do help to the coldest heart,

So less was bouyancy, sinking with gravity,

A realm flooded with abyss sorrows.

So many thing has happened,

Time has move so fast,

Faster than those blinks of my eye.

A mother tree perished,

and her seed made forest,

A little girl i saw by roadside has turn into beautiful woman

And a beautiful lady i know has wrinkled.

Time has moved so fast,

That my bone even started to ache.

Map to heart.

Unburdened smiles like the searing sunset,

Dazzling eyes like the flawless moon,

Sweetness of tang like lily,

Voice like honey,

Colour buoyed clouds with golden brilliance,

Beautifying the primordial sky,

Intoxicating whole of lying vale,

With tides of pulsating songs of joy In the air,

Nobody has find me more than this,

Neither sky nor earth.

Neither sun nor moon.

Everything was a trouble in air 

All was knitted thread of infinite,

Like woven silence of women.

Until all those sum of parts she share,
Drew a map to my heart.

Sweetest pain

An another story,

Story of a men who found letting go so hard.

Those weary naked eyes,

Clench of knot in belly,

Wrestling battle in chamber of love

I could exactly picture as those words meet my eye.

“With those glaring eyes,

Wearing a beautiful smiles,

She watched me so close and keenly into my eyes hugging tight.

Those sweet lips unravel her deepest feeling;

Promising thousands,

Speaking millions of dreams,

And disclosing how much i mean to her.

Like there was no tomorrow in her future.

I still have those rhythm of beat when it drum against my chest,

I still hear those gasp of relieve she breath when her head fall on my shoulder.

How beautiful it was,  is never same today.

Sky has started darkening,

Weather has started worsening,

Things has started fading slowly,

For my lips are blue,

And my lamp inside gets dimmer,

I am young but I feel so  old.

I didn’t see this future until now when thing’s are never same.

It was beautiful but never same today.

Everything that kept me float, drown me.

Everything that kept me alive, consume me.

Sweetest pain has fed me multiple times,

And I am dying old inside with the smile she always asked for.

And only if thirteen comes again, a flame would burn as sweet as the pain i am engaged.”