Wait for an unburdened smile.

   Cities are drunk on noise and lights,

   Every time, its busy but here i am rigid and stagnant.

   Wandering myself through lost path every dawn break.

   Kneeling down, on the first light i ask answer from my goddess,

   But she is even more silent that the height of my lost.

                 Each night , it became terribly quiet,

                 That frightens me with deep darkness.

  

         To the discovery;

  I flip thousands of words written,

Thousands of photographs snapped,

Thousands of voice recordings,

But each has so much and so more to tell.

And i am here still lost with each memories alive,

And all i want is to be back to that reality, the one last hug i wish before i die.

It's nobody's voice, but inside me loud and big.

You know it; 

I always have something to say,

I always have something to write,

But it's me, as always a mirror of words

When you're my north light.

       You, basically is a picture of my poem,

      That somebody- "me" has always something to write about.

It's a long quiet night without an unburdened smile.

   

I miss you.

Where ever I go, where ever I stay; you’re only one I

have in my mind.

Even in my sleep, you have become my dream.

Yeah, having to stay far from you is tough, yet become worst when I have to live each day with the fear of losing you.

But million’s battle I have to pass before I go to sleep.

Somewhere away from you and home, I am here.

World is new and big, city beautiful and awake twenty four seven,

But without you, everything is charmless.

All I wish is to be with you forever.

Hundreds of morning came and night has passed without you.

Even winter has flew, spring has came and yet summer is about to come,

But still I couldn't see you.

Desperate is my feeling to see you each morning like the first ray of sun and spend each day of my life.

I see millions of people face around,

Flight’s flying above my place now and then.

But still I couldn't see you.

All I wish is to see you beside me now and forever.

Here away from you, I live with each single memory of us,

When you make me run to chase you,

When we sing together hours and hours and millions more- you know well.

Haunted is me, madness is my feeling, crazy is my thought and act.

All I wish is to spend each single day and die old with you.

 "your voice my music, your smile my sunshine,

you are everything that i am happy for."

Night, my day.

It was early morning before my medicinal chemistry exam and after my whole awake night just like many of those warriors who prepares before the battles. 

I started preparing for the exam for long three nights till the next dawn, where my sleeping time started from early morning till the evening time when everybody is awake. It's not that i wanted to, but my sleeping pattern was pathetically disturbed. I don't know myself since when it started, but it's been a long time I wasn't able to sleep at night which i am suppose to like everybody, so most of the time i was using those waking hour to burn the midnight oil for the exam, but i never felt good and okay, because it was totally just the opposite to the  usual life i live each and every day.

Usually i started eating my break fast at around 4 PM in the evening, which is my morning, then i started to flip pages, i started to read and prepare for the exam and my dinner and lunch would be basically around close to midnight. Basically my day was night, moon was my sun and i use to stay whole night just flipping pages, just reading note's, listening to music, going up to the top of building and watching the sky dark dotted with beautiful stars and all this takes me to the dawn; when city awakes.
Early morning yesterday i was just like other night awake preparing for my medicinal chemistry exam, my friends were also awake too till morning busy preparing, as this subject needs a whole lot of preparations, understanding, attention and revision unlike other subjects. Medicinal chemistry is filled with whole lot of drugs that we use daily by each of one us to treat, diagnose and feel better from sickness. When you study medicinal chemistry, it gives you a magic about a particular drugs- it explains you from the simple query,  why this drug is taken particularly for the particular diseases, it answers you why it's counter indicated and it explains even the facets of chemistry, pharmcoanalysis, chemical analysis, that's why it require whole of understanding and preparation for this exam.At around 9 AM i had my chemistry exam yesterday and yeah it went good as much as my preparation deserved,  but the worst thing was, i couldn't even stand for a single hour after my exam, where my eyes were very heavy, my body so tired, felt like i was coming from the war and no sooner i was dead like log on the bed.

When i woke up i could not believe myself, it was 1:00 AM in the morning after i slept at around 2 PM in evening yesterday, and as always i am awake right on the bed right now. I am starting to think, i am not living the life i am suppose to. I miss my home back at BHUTAN, I miss my mom and dad, who always care me and i realize now,  in this life there is nothing as such a special, just being able to live a day like everyone, just being able to sleep at night, just able to eat on time, following daily routine is more than special.

I do got an answer now, why mommy always wake us( my brother who is presently working at MHPA TRONGSA and me ) early in the morning, why she always told to sleep on time, yet we rarely do what she told us. We always fail, waking up after lunch was our style, and she would be sad, seeing us not sleeping on time, not waking on time, not eating on time. It was simple, she want us to live a life each day, seeing and enjoying beauty of each seconds.
Right at this moment, i just wish to finish my exam faster, go back to home and live the life. Waking up early in morning, sleeping on time is worth than anything.

Breath.

Yesterday was exactly the point from where my eyes were,
I felt so long,
Heavy was my heart, even million song couldn't do a help.
Time has arrived, flew and even transpired.
Leaving with whole sweet battles and pain, but those were my light.
The road to my heart.

Through the journey of yesterday,
Time has left me tired,
Exhausted was my body, even an hour of rest do nothing better.
Time has arrived, flew and even transpired.
Leaving with whole sweet battles and pain, but those were my light.
The road to my heart.

Tonight time has arrived just like before.
War is on the front whether i like it or not.
But at least a gleam on the corner i could see;
With the road i hit,
With the war i fought,
With the pain i endured
 Finally i could see the light, this is gonna take me home... finally a breath.

   

LONG NIGHT.

  

For the long time when you left me;

I tried walking every road i was given,

I tried smiling every person i passes by,

But inside i was and i am still lonely.

For the long time when you left me;

I tried to cheer with the people around,

I tried to make myself lost doing something,

But inside i was and i am still tortured heavily.

For the long time when you left me;

I tried listening to the musics,

I tried playing the games,

But inside i was and i am still burnt.

Since the long hours without you,

My heart has been still pounding,

My body so thirsty and still sweating,

My mouth still foaming,

I have all those sickness in my head, which hammer me heavily.

I have been a long time without you,

The thing's are still same rough and exhausting since from the point when you left me here.

It's dark like for century, a long night that never cease. 

Only little tough day makes tomorrow better and happier.

Lately I met myself where being weak and worrying never changes everything, because irrespective of anything, everyone is subject to rough days. Neither me nor you can skip, quit or do magic to avoid all this battles of life, because the path of life is just made in one direction. Sun and stars in the sky also don’t show always, sometime’s cloud rules, that’s why the law is comparatively similar on this earth to everything.

I walked a long journey of my life, encounter with so many battles with different degree of toughness, where sometime’s I win, where sometime’s I lose, where sometimes I get carried away with all this heavy weight of suffer and worries, but what I discovered to myself lately was there is nothing call winning or losing or getting carried away, it’s all that we made to ourselves, it’s basically us who give us most of the difficult time’s. That is why; it’s just us, your own self that creates the whole surrounding around you.  We travel here and there, walk so many paths but the entire road is just one way- moving forward and on this road, nobody see the success right in front, neither resolve every complicated situation that arouses then and there, that’s why it’s all those little troubles, a battles, a worries or whatever poison that kills you is the ultimate door to a good time’s.

Being weak never help, rather it weakens you further, worrying too much never changes rather it wears you like the canines that tear off everything, so in order to fight any battle of life, we really don’t need all those sophisticated tools, we really don’t need all those inborn intelligence, we really don’t need a physical strength, so the answer to the question of what we really need is;

Yeah ,People are born with different view and perspectives,  with seed sown on the plate of their mind which they interpret differently, and may be they have their own answer to the above, or maybe they haven’t yet known or in way of searching just like I was before. So to me what I really discovered to myself was, a hero is an ordinary individual who knows how to battle well, how to handle the situation without worrying too much, and of all that little courage that makes a strength and energy to battle. You know, no one has born and died without facing the troubles, it’s that entire little rough situation, an experience that makes a courage, strength, and unbeatable energy in hero. Being weak doesn't change, until you learn to be courageous and endure every worst time.

In the womb of cliche days

Waking up with each dawn break;

Walking the road given,

Working the with task you're responsible of,

Walk of life is all the same most of the time.

It’s tiresome and bored.

Exhausted and monotonous,

Tired and uninspired,

Waiting for that someday to be “energetic and young”

But in that womb of repeated cycle,

Do you ever come across, when you meet whole of yourself? When you meet whole of the surrounding that you live with?

I did, not so long and discovered, ‘people can’t be really defined” with whole sort of multidimensional, complex, complicated build up ideas, feeling’s, instinct founded with every bit bricks on the body and  in heart.

Growing up in my eye

I wish to photograph all the troubles that come by the journey of life, so there by I could edit all the stories like the novelist, like a mason where I can dressed the wall with all my styles of variety of stones, like the chef where I can cook the dishes of my taste so that it becomes the sum of all the parts that people usually call “beauty and perfect” like the beautiful rainbow in the light rain. 

Right at this moment, seriously I don’t know what I am doing right now, I don’t know what I want to do, and what I am suppose to do but still I am awake like an insomniac. I am right here as always sitting on my old chair, with the laptop on the desk with the flooded thoughts on; ‘what really is the purpose of life?’ in fact there must be hell lot of reasons but there is no single thing that I could really get it.

Searching, fighting and  trying to live a life that is given to us,  everyone struggles through the series of battles and most people whenever they saw a person battling irrespective of the blood relations, either the first or last word would be “that’s a life” “this is a life” “this is a how it works” and indeed for a few time’s I did use it to few, but lately I found it’s a little strange, because it’s never easy to adjust with whatever life throw upon us when sometime it’s off the shoulder, that’s why the war become worst  and suffered pain has lots of wounds with the thousands of story to tell.

When I was a kid living under the shell of lovely mom and dad, I use to think everything is just wonderful, life filled with joys and wonders, because all problems was solved before it comes to me, everything I wish was granted and it was one of those beautiful moments of life. I really do cherish always and sometime’s when the sky gets rough, I just wish to get back to those days and never want to grow because even if growing up physically is easy,  growing up with the life that throws upon is never easy as it use to be.  I don’t know if I am doing the right thing that I wanted to do for the best of my life, best of my loved ones and to the country that I have to serve, as usually I found myself getting lonelier each days inside, the works that I have to do is most of the time forgotten and sometimes I don’t know what I am potent of?  Seriously, sometimes I feel like I am forgetting to live the life, the purpose of life and my works.  I don’t know if you all feel the same but there’re sometime’s a certain stage where your day starts and end’s without doing nothing, totally doing nothing at all.

 The time in life keep slipping by yet I didn't discovered what I really wanted to be? Though by my profession that I am taking, I would be a pharmacist, but again I wonder, if it would be the best of me that I love, because “being in love” with everything is the true solution to every obstacles. Sometimes I am afraid if the life is always in this way, because what I witness in life is, so many people struggles doing work, struggle battling each day trying to survive and haven’t seen one doing work with love and will , though at the end survival is must. This is the point when I come to compare the same thing with them, because thousandths face a battle not just because they are forced too, but due to the choices and will, the affection and chemistry in whatever we do. I think if there is a will and love, everything becomes fairer or my whole of build up thought’s. But if it’s my build up thought’s I wonder sometime’s why sometime’s day ended doing nothing, though there is hell lot to shoulder.

a question of "Do i really have the enough experience or acquire the thing that i need what i am doing? and if i am fueling to grow bigger? worries me each night, yet i couldn't do any better. 

 It doesn't ends, until we keep it.

The open cycle, but endless,
I walked this road knowing i will be some day there,some where undeniably better.
But whole thing keeps following up an another steps.
I know a desk some where is waiting for me,
But didn't know until now that, that desk will naturally follows up to other.
Generally the story is; cycle is endless.

Experiences and how really i feel being in love? 

1. What is the most single experience being in love?
- Being love is something undefinable, something huge and like you have seen a light only after century.
Being in love and be loved is totally special, spiritually blessed and the reasons of happiness that you have struggled each single minute in numerous days.  The experience of being in love is, i always find a reason, an energy when ever  i am in deficit to live to fullest. Love is magical.

2. What is the greatest battleship in "a war of love" that ultimately turns to make you believe, life is beautiful? 
- Out of hundred and one, one biggest battle ship is being far away " a distance".
Being far away from love, getting haunted with each single conversation, touches of kisses and soft hugs, crazy stuffs that i do with my lady is the biggest war. When all those memories come flooding with conditioned, being unable to touch and feel becomes the greatest suffering. In fact, all those turns to a beautiful reason where it clearly gave me message , it's a stepping stone for the glory for a time to come. all we need is patience.

3. It's true that in every relation , sometime's there comes a storm and lightening, how do you react and what you do?
- It's an undeniable truth, the truth that will never die.
Yeah, it happens sometime where all those situation exhilarate your breath, heart beating arrhythmically, and suddenly when full heart comes to your mouth leaving you speechless, not knowing what exactly to say.
How i react is, yeah at certain i turn so hot, where all those lovely, emotional feeling comes as an anger, but i control, controlled in such way that i don't even speak the commonest slang that we speak when we are angry, and would remember, recollect all those seconds, minutes, hour, days, weeks, month and years that took time to grow so attached inconsiderable of the natural feeling of love, there by i negotiate with the same feeling of love, care, and joy which is just powerful to melt down everything to calm and peaceful.
"imperfection is totally beautiful indeed."

4.What is the craziest memories within your boundary of love?
- huh, :) there is hell lot, lot and more than anything. But i would probably avoid speaking private for now.
Alright, the craziest memories are, in short;
When i make her run and chase doing all those crazy stupid little things,
When i carry her and feel those soft drum beats of heart on my back,
When i couldn't hear her faint, low recorded voices in the messenger clearly and suddenly when i put into woofer and listening again and again each bit of words.
When i do all those stupid little thing like addressing and make her sing.
When there is love, we become younger than a child, happy than the happiest. that's the power of "love"

5.When do you realize , when love is not just a attachment, but beyond the actual meaning?
- Every conversation that we made all along irrespective of topics, and when she share every day to day activities, problems  expecting me to give suggestion, expecting me to help her find solution and generally when she finds me out as a skeleton for the body i realized that love is bigger.
Secondly, every 4 months when i get to meet her, looking into her eyes, kissing and hugging her softly getting long lost,  the actual heaven just picture right in front of my eyes and that feeling is just huge beyond compass of boundary.

6. When did you fall in love and into relationship?
-I met thousand girls, girls with different types of intellect and socialization and yeah i have been in relationship with few, but the truth is i have never felt like what i use to feel now.  Those feeling's were all raw and plain, just like a child's love , must be as a teenage love, that's why i don't even remember when and how i got into all those stories.
I have an another story, story of innocent and simple love, where i fall into her but the most unbelievable thing was none of us initiate like the usual love story where they begin. Just that every single minute we chat and broke into laughter suddenly makes me feel way different- basically a warm and touched. I don't know how i fall into her, but i am sure i did and still does when i see her beautiful face, those aphrodisiac smile, those cute little eye, and generally all with the whole of parts, but in the beginning i have avoided disclosing my feeling, not that i wasn't confident but i thought it would probably look like i was flirting with her, which i don't want her to think that way ever.
But with the time, as i have always thought "love starts with all those simple discovery of willingness and joy" Not only me, Not only her, we both fell into love and i still can't describe how that night was big to me.  I felt happy, complete more than the perfect piece.
That was 13th January, 2013 where i fell into love with my innocent beautiful lady.

7. What do you aspire for now and future?
-I Always want her to know that;
To have a girl friend like her who cares, love me in the most special way and who is always there when i am in need is really a big. i just can't describe.
A message to her;
Every time i need you,
Every time i just need you to be safe and well protected when i am far,
Every time i need you to know "you're beautiful and totally sexy, i just love you so much.
and yeah i loved you, will love you and wanna die old with you.

             Broken shoulder in COLD.

The broken shoulder pains much in cold,
Coldness make more terrible,
Terrible as nail on the feet.
Unthinkable,unmovable and unbearable.

Yet,biting senseless lips,
Rubbing hands to warm cold nails,
Panting with huge breath of air, like a smoke from the kitchen.
And with wish of warmth,
Just to feel ..passes long dying in the sweet cold.

My broken shoulder,

when coldness hit,

when thought extends to ocean,

when i care too much, it pains unbearably, otherwise it's good.

Good enough that i am damn good.

 Snows beautiful but freezing cold.

Window to the world, to the falling snows,

Beautiful, white and clean awakes your dozed heart;

Available oxygen to love’ a huge joys, you feel breath there.

Never seen something beautiful, you felt,

 But why you feel still cold at slight?

There you wish a little warmth so desperately, that you always live with.

You can’t stay forever somewhere like this,

But you feel you can, but it’s just as you hatch out of total hibernation,

Believe me for thy love.

Happiness yesterday took on top of world right?

Sentenced today destroyed you right?

What’s next, it’s you how you keep walking.

Snow’s are beautiful but it’s too cold.

  

What love taught me about life.

One night, when my lady couldn't attend me like usual, having nothing to do and feeling bored, I tried to catch some sleep but I landed up for more than an hour drooling over the bed, hugging pillow tight, trying hard to sleep, trying not to think and yeah suddenly thought flashed with a question; what is the biggest thing that you have ever experienced/learned being in love?   It was something that I can’t express in a word nor in sentence, it was something more than the short answers, and that’s how I came into this piece of another true story.

Since from the time when I fall in love with my lady who is unimaginably sexy and beautiful, the biggest part of war that still continues is the story of missing her.  I didn't know that I would land up missing her so badly, but it does so huge that some time even a day becomes so dry and tasteless when I couldn't get to talk and chat with her.

Usually being in love so tenderly, sincerely, faithfully and with all heart a person took us way far, where no matter what you do, no matter where you are, no matter where you go, a thought of person keeps flooding and drives us crazy each seconds.  The pain of missing is serious sickness where no matter what you do; you just want to get near her. It was my real experience of war after falling in love since for more than one and half year.  Here, I admit being in long distance relationship is the biggest war, but it’s a huge lesson in my life, as I get to discover how much she matters the most and her absence made me realize, how hard the life would be, as day without her showed upon me. (If we really don’t care the presence of anything, we don’t really know the value…it’s the absence that teach us)

Apart from (struggles) the story of missing, it also gave me huge lessons, teaching and understanding of where life really starts.  I don’t know when I really have all this huge impact after being in love, but yeah since from the time, when I started falling, I started learning to grow intellectually, spiritually and physically. I don’t know how far, it depends on the pair in relations, but yeah if there is love, there is always a will to do, there you find a door that open even its close, in fact some might deny with respect to their own status of living and relation, however It’s simple truth that would never die If you start learn to love willingly with a heart despite of your natural emotions.  Feeling of so warm, so much of positive energy, happy and sweet would come emotionally as you start falling but if you really don’t nurture with your emotions, it’s also a thing that can die. Everything in this world is subjected to all this matter of life. That’s what I interestingly found through the road that I traveled.  And yeah without having to mention, everybody witness and understand how everything wither, like the flower to end of spring. we know It’s not that flower really can’t blossom in other season, but it’s not as favorable as in particular month, thus what I really mean is if there isn't a sufficient attention of love, care and prayers everything starts to shrivel, no matter how much rich the world would be. (This is one of the biggest experiences that taught me not just to let emotions come naturally, but to put it into live)

 Without having to mention, people all around the globe must have their own cemented views on life after and before falling in love, and to me it’s something magical, something that I have never been through my life. Being in love is a special gift of strength and energy.  

Yet again there is another interesting part of story; being in relation, one becomes the part of another after falling for each other with all those tremendous emotions of love.  But have you wondered this, you know, no matter how much you’re madly in love, the problem of misunderstanding, jealousy, mistakes, so on never leave anyone. I call this “war of love”.    Spending time together minutes and hour, days and night, weeks and months with each other, some point of times problem arises making heated situation, where we are left with no word’s (speechless) and even if we explain, they don’t care, just as all human being where they try to defend one.  Sometimes it landed up to situations where you become so angry that you even don’t care what ever words come from your mouth.  And yeah almost for more than couples of our problems we landed up to all this situations, but I still know that no matter whether I am right or wrong, I always try to be the first person most of the time to say sorry and she never fails on her part to understand me in the most appreciated way. When I look back through the journey that I traveled with her, no matter how much far, separated we are, being in love gives us the strength to move with time. (I complained for the night being so dark, but if night isn't dark, stars would fail to look so bright and beautiful, that was a feeling she give me, an experience of love that teach and groomed me.)

I still remember how she smile big when i see for the first time, her smile "a krypton" of my heart

(ode to my lady)

I watched moon right above,
Judged over periods with love.
It was all same;
smiling big and beautiful with name.
Saw them lonely always in dark and horror night,
but they smile with light.

{Didn't knew the life has started, but it has already showed on me, it was all her that made me believe when I was yearning. She proved to me always with the strength of smile that rarely withers, I still remember how big she smiles when I saw her for the first time. Being in love and being yours is always the special feeling of blessed that you made me feel, you gave me the light of life that will never fade. You’re everything that I am for.]

It is not a story that I want to show that my relation is big, it’s especially my thankfulness for my lady for teaching me the reality of life, an experience of being in love and a message to the world that;

You will never know when you will fall in love, and when you fall for someone, you will know that it’s something that you have never been through. Preserve and protect what you fall for, for thy it will be only one that will keep you lighted when whole world become dark.

An hour of beat with gentle passing day.

Its no easy to pass by the gentle days,
It's harder each hour.
May not know how hard,
But it's difficult that it even give me a cramp right on my thought; i am so lost without you.
An hour of beat passes, and a dark slowly swallow the gentle night.
The birds start chirping louder and then fainter each second,
Everything soothes down slowly.
But my thoughts was same as what it was like when i wake up.
Where,I started to miss you from the early morning,
And right there i want to get back near to you,
Right next to you; where i wanted to keep watching you smiling with love.
Without you, i am so lost.
Without you everything is so tasteless, charmless and dry.
It's all you who set heaven for me.
For thy absence, i am so lost.

what ever i do, where ever i go,  the first thing that keeps coming to my mind is always YOU. you're like the first ray of sunlight that show to me.

i miss you more.

“STRENGTH IS LIFE, WEAKNESS IS DEATH”

.. very early morning, I woke up, got dressed into fine collar and chinos, collected lap coat from drawer and picked practical book from my study table to go to class, Suddenly my usual day work changed its course though it wasn't  unexpected..........

Starting from last night, repeatedly I was requested by one of my friend to help one brother who came from Bhutan to New Delhi to process his visa card for master study in United Kingdom as there is no facility accessible in Bhutan.  At the very first instant of his request , I denied with all silly excuses about my classes and my tough semester, in fact the reason is more and yeah I do have to attend classes regularly, as it’s bit a difficult semester for me unlike my first and second year of my course. But he didn't really took into consideration, suddenly a thought popped in my mind wondering why he can’t go and help him rather making a big branches of chain and after few minutes of our pause, “ tashi, choe ghi dhi VISA tshu process bey ni ghi korley shey lo mena, atshi help bey jin oi”  he told me to help him. I was by then left with no other choices than to let him know and explain about my condition this days; where I am financially broke , and that was the reason why I kept denying, still then I don’t know what was wrong, he had a more addition on it and somehow without finalizing anything, we went off to sleep.

The very next morning I was about to go to class, but suddenly I was stopped by yesterday’s undone stuff. I denied again saying and explaining everything to my friend thinking at least he will understand my situation better, but he didn't take any heed. I felt so childish denying and explaining to him time and again, and moreover felt sorry for that brother who came to process VISA and finally made my mind to go and help him to do his work, gathering all my strength, gathering all my power, standing tall even if I am financially broke. Actually what my thought was, ‘at least I must have some amount to help him move place to place, even If I can’t offer any big and special help, because I am the one who is staying here in Delhi and won’t face any problem as it’s my second home for now and he has just came for the VISA processing and would cost him a lot moving up and down, here and there’ thus reasonably I was weakened even If I want to help.

By around 9 am in the morning, by auto I took him to Axis bank which is located in CR park, greater kailaish, a few kilometer east from my university to deposit his fees for the VISA charges with referring to my fresh idea which I got a week ago after helping to process one of my relatives VISA and as he said me that, he can deposit from any international credit card, but as we reach their sadly the axis bank wasn't doing the fee payment and receiving for United kingdom VISA applicant. By then after few minute we headed to Trade tower, located in Nehru place where the appointment for all type VISA are done there  to ask the specific banks where he can deposit as he can’t access to online payment, but  they didn't give any clear idea, rather a short cut to go back to try again for online payment.

Once again we came back to the internet cafe’ to make online payment which nearly takes 20 to 30 minutes, there I stayed sitting outside waiting and wishing his work to be successful while he was processing his work, suddenly from nowhere again a thought of my last night and today morning situations came back flooding and I was just made to think, questioned myself and it was almost like monologue with my thoughts and constants nod with regard to a life and it’s challenge. That very time, thought of life has bothered me too much to the extent that I was lost in the midst of crowded city watching people walking here and there in the scorching sun, I was lost looking at those stray people begging, I was lost in random activities and reactive thoughts and I was just smiling to myself that, life is a real challenge that keep testing us .By then it was already 2 pm and I was still waiting for him, and a few minute later, his voice came saying , ‘bro, what shall we do now?  It’s again unsuccessful’ and yeah by that time we are left with no choice other than to make call to sir who deals with the VISA processing’s to ask for help and luckily he asked us to come up to discuss the matter. By then we walked to the main road to catch auto for going to Bhutan embassy which was located in race course, which nearly take more than an hour. Suddenly, as we pass down the street, I found a script lying on the dirty ground with just few sentence clear to my eyes, which states; “strength is life and weakness is death” and something like…power and all…and that very time, I felt that, that was an answer to life.  Because, most of us have the capacity to do, the most of us has the ability to fight, but the problem is just because of some weakness, we are brought down and that’s when we fail.  That was the one of very clear incident when I discover that, every human has more power to do than the average usual stuffs that we do, all we fail is to recognize our own potential.

Yeah after an hour, I guess almost around 3:30 pm we reached there at Bhutan embassy, had talk and discuss with the person who deals with the VISA and he gave the very detail explanation and he offered the help too. Which then after so long and tiring day, it was like an answer come true to the question that we struggled for a day.

After that, I reach back to university, took a short nap and was just thinking about the day and I was at least satisfied helping him, and yeah the lesson was big. You know, the early morning, even if I am going with him to help his work, I felt so uneasy as I was financially crunched and that totally don’t let me to be the real me, but as mid of day passed and seeing the script lying, it was like an answer, because strength is really a life and weakness is death.

Yeah everyone has the power to do more than what we do every day, but most of us get feared easily when things don’t gather peacefully. That’s what we are stopped constantly from doing something bigger than the big.  As such there is nothing to get off, all we need is to get prepare whole time smiling and being happy , because life has been that way always and no one can change. Life itself is an obstacle.

Journey back to Delhi after vacation.

"it was one fine early evening when i come from Bhutan to Delhi recently after two months of my vacations where i was totally lost and found myself haunted. sometimes we don't know what is happening inside us, around us and all, until some clear incident let us discover."

on the very night of 13th July, as always before i left for abroad, away from my close ones, i use to bid fare well through calls and unlike before days, it saddens me when almost all cried , when almost has shed tears and moreover when they all share the touching stories of how they felt, how they reacted, when they didn't able to connect to my mobile phone for the long hour it made me feel so touch. On that very day i was just travelling from Samdrup jongkhar to Phuentsholing and mostly you know we used to reach early then 4 PM in the evening but that time unluckily due to vehicle problem, i reached very late and in those borders, mobile phones don't work.

The next day, i have to leave for Delhi on 2 PM the early evening, i was by then not really prepared to move on, as this time unlike before for one year, i will not see my parents, see my close one and especially my little baby stupid girl who drives me crazier each moment. when i think of the year to stay without able to see them, i felt so down and destroyed, but at least inside me, there glows a little flame that always give me a hope to move on. 

The very early morning, like usual for 700 days ago, i started to miss her, i started to get haunted, and when i think of the before days to have to stay without her sound of laughter, smiles to see, voices to hear i get more destroyed and it was terrible with each moving seconds of the time. I don't know whether i was prepared or not, but i have to by law, but luckily as sometimes, as said" expects the unexpected" on the very sad day, one of my biggest day arrive, where i was so happy, where i have forgotten every thing and just felt i was on top of the world. "she knows better why?, she knows better how? and i thank her so much for always giving me a million reason to move on with life strongly, a millions justification for making me discover that i can do it and she is always my north star who inspires me. without her, i don't know if i can move on with life, but i admit the truth, it would be the damn difficult and greatest challenge for me, that's why i always wanted to be with her forever.

By then exactly at 11 AM i started my journey from Phuentsholing to train station to catch the train by cab. with each seconds then my breath grew heavier, i felt that so strongly, i look back once again, and started missing all those biggest times and never wanted to go further but i have to by any means. sometime's i felt life is cruel and in one way, i felt life itself is an obstacles and i started preparing for the last time. I dragged my diary from the laptop bag, started flipping the pages and started reading those beautiful writing of my angel who have written after my several request. i was so touched, i laughed several times, reading her writes and i am laughing right now too when i think of that. 

No sooner when i was reading then we have reached train station, and after 30 minutes we got in train and started our journey. once again i was feeling so heavy, i really didn't like those feelings, those heaviness that make me feel so blue, lost and raw. That very late night when every one was sleeping, through the windows of train, i look up in the sky, but as usual i could not see any single stars when usually watching from India and more over it was a bit of pinhole, when watching from the window to longest distance, and yap i tried to listen to songs, and doing so many things, but nothing help me to get better. but here i will admit the truth, what i did the most , one of the most repeated things in my life without feeling bored rather which made me feel so good, touched and happy.

The truth is, i flipped over the diary pages which have few writings over and over again and i just wish, if she could have written and have filled up all those pages. her writings, made me feel so good, special and seriously that was when i think, even the simplest stuffs in the world help us move strongly without fearing anything in the world.

and in midst of this story i have by then reached to Delhi and with smile, i started to begin my session well, as i wanted to bring the biggest smile in her, which is the most important wish for me.

Thank you tsagyem for always making me feel blessed, without you it would be a greatest war. your presence every where is my happiness that makes me do well in everything. 

My words in our pages.

It's true i speak  louder, 
and yap it's real i get wilder,
It's true i do nag for the million time's,
and yap it is never wrong for i open up myself in different views,
it's true i seek thousand explanation,
And damn true i genuinely question you more than necessary,
No wonder my lady,
No more wonder,
It's not a single word in my pages that slipped from my mouth when i fail to put into
and neither to judge you;
Judging to make it messier before it turns beautiful.
It's not that i do every time to snatch those freedoms,
a freedom to domesticate you. 
It's simple and sincere;
It's's all those that begins from mad love and extreme care that has grown from the time you appear,
Like those plants that grows even through broken walls,
Since from the time when i get into you totally.
Beginning the dawn when you show me the love in my love completely
It's all those sincere love, that born everything crazily,
with huge madness, it's a word of my page for why i bother you so much.

Unrecognized thoughts 

I don't know for sure, whether the particular things or stuffs happens to everyone or not; where some particular thoughts or either the feeling bothers one so much from doing anything, starting from the daily usual activities like sleeping and eating. 

Nothing much to exaggerate, sometimes, at some point in our life, there comes a moment where we feel like drowned to the bottom of dark Deep Ocean fighting for an air to breathe and fighting for shaft of light for the warmth. Lately, I have been into this situations, but I want to make it clear that, it's nothing out of some hellish, bizarre or some worst stuffs that are going around in my daily life. You know, there is one thing that bothered me so much, at all times over this rolling week and had never let me walk so gently as usual. 

I don't know myself how to put it into, although I can feel it intensely and bothered me so much. Yap sometimes, as if it comes right on my lip, flicker in mind what that really bothered me, but it fade away so easily in no second before I get a word to describe. There is a thought on thought that overlaps before one took a lap, you know it arises before other sat down and bothers me so much in whatever I do, where I really could not focus particularly on one thing. Forget about the difficult ones I even could not focus on simplest stuffs. You know like usual, I tried to do the most simplest thing, where I find space all alone, sitting all by myself listening to song to get rid of all those thoughts that run over the thoughts, but again over the line's of the song it emerge as thoughts and another thought run down when other is not even of half way. 

Frankly speaking, it's neither a consequences of me thinking over the past that has walked down nor worried of the future days waiting ahead of me, it's neither due to an enormous thinking nor worried/tensed of anything but you know in whatever I do, suddenly those particular thoughts flooded over my mind overlapping with number of imaginary thoughts corrupting my mind, bothering me so much and this past week has been too tired. 

Usually I do all things on time and even if I don't, I at least manage to do it on the last day of the time, but these days, I am totally running out of the schedule and whole work trying to get off these thoughts. I don't know myself how I am trying to make myself feel happy and better, but still I feel like I am suffocating, struggling and landed up getting my brain heated up almost all time unable to stop those numbers of thoughts that sprung like fountains. I really don't know why and how this thousands thoughts give birth and propagate and bother me so much in whatever I do. 

I sometimes wonder, does it happen to everyone or not?

I wonder why thoughts run down over another sometime too fast.

I wonder why these particular thoughts are too active when we're not in need.

And I wonder where those unrecognized thoughts emerge from unnecessarily? 

 13th January 2013( something bigger than a surprise)

 Early winter morning of 12^th January 2014, at around 5 Am, my grandma woke me up as I have to leave Samdrup jongkhar the very day by any means because I have to reach Phuentsholing on latest by 14^th due to my booked train ticket to return back to college on mid day of 15^th. As I woke up, I felt like I have just spent a day ago with my parents in Bhutan, looking at the time that approach so fast for me to return back and no sooner without thinking much, then I washed my face, got dressed up and had breakfast and by that time finally time has came to depart with my parent’s and felt so heavy. Where, unlike before it was deep sadness that tear me half way, as I depart and seeing my Grandma  and Mommy crying and seeing the sad faces of Grandpa,  Daddy, Sister, brothers and other relative but how ever I stand not to as they would worry more. Then I started my journey and by early evening I reach down and was receive by my sister in law, tshoki and her friend. And shortly we came to room, talk a while and they left back to their room and I was all alone in room by myself and then started making call to my parents to inform that I reach safely and then finally made call to woman of my heart. We conversed as usual teasing, making fun and yup doing crazy and then after while I went to nearby restaurant to take dinner and then went to shop for voucher, buying some toiletries and to arrange the cab to move to Phuentsholing the next day.

I never like to be alone whenever I travel, as its total boring and don’t know what to do.  Moreover, it’s too lonely.  By then it was almost 10 pm and I ringed back to my girl friend and as usual we talked about the day, had fun joking, teasing in the phone and yap most importantly in our conversation I asked repeatedly like I have done number of times when I was already in the home to come to meet me before I leave to my college, as I would desperately miss her as I know how struggling it is to be far and a year being far from her taught me everything, but she refused and yap indeed, It was understandable , as she was busy most of the day with internship stuffs in Chukha hydro  project and moreover as she stay with her brother ,where she made me clear already that he is strict and report everything whatever happens to her to mommy, so with no single say I consider  all her problems  and didn't asked her again, and  shortly she paused me saying in low dim voice, “tsagye sorry, I didn't mean that I don’t want to meet you , but there Is no choice.” And explained everything and tried so much to make me feel better as always but still then light inside was getting dimmer, as I really can’t imagine leaving for college without meeting her. I felt lonelier, sad and didn't find any way and reasons to be happy and after that with goodnight kiss we hang our phone. 

It was already midnight as we hang our call and no sooner had I try to get sleep as I have to wake up early for the tomorrow’s journey then the particular feeling and thought of not getting able to meet her flooded in making me die inside so pathetically and made sleeping really difficult. Moreover it was so lonely like those wandering stars in the azure sky all alone in the big haunted room.  Struggling moving side to side, turning up and down,  trying to stop of thinking  to get sleep,  after long while I was off to sleep, but didn't knew how sleep came over, as it was not that easy that night to get a sleep as I look.

The very next morning, at around 5 am I manage to wake up, washed my face and then call cab to ask when we’re taking off. Driver was so kind and told me that he will call me when’re about to leave and ask me to stay in room as it’s cold outside and moreover as I would to have wait as they were searching for more passenger. However, I went to the cab parking which is of 3 minute walk from my room to reach my brief case as it was difficult for me to carry all bags at once and to make sure everything is confirm. And then I went to one of the restaurant for breakfast, as I have to bear through all inside the cab travelling long and tiresome journey.

At around 6 past 30, I got a call from the driver and then rush with bags to parking but still 2 passenger has not turn up, so we have to wait and in mean while, other passenger’s start sitting and making themselves comfortable and I was outside busy making call to mom to inform that I am about to start my journey and most importantly to wish tsagyem as it was our special day (13^th) and wanted her to be happy smiling from morning, which means a lot to me. After almost 20 to 25 minutes they did turn up and we started our journey at around 7 am in the morning. The morning was warm, fresh, clear and totally silent except for those chirping birds, fast moving wheels of the cab and monk reciting prayer just right next to me. After a while the monk stop reciting prayers and then he broke the silence in the cab talking to me and started our conversation questioning each other smiling where we’re from, to where we’re heading and talking much stuff even about the life and yup he was kind enough to advice me, talk to me and by then my loneliness, boredom were lost in laughter and smiles and like in a minute of time I felt like we have reached to place where everyone travelling this road rest for an hour taking lunch and all. But our driver continued our journey without resting, as most of the passenger inside the cab I am travelling were busy sleeping, some fighting with motion sickness hoping every minute to  reach destination fast and yup, inside I was feeling sorry for them. Again then I started conversing with a monk and after while he too has fallen to sleep,  by then only two of us were awake( driver and me) , with silence taking over again and yap, thought of talking with driver and make journey interesting but I was in the last sit, so there was no choice.

After almost 3 hours from the lunch time with silence and total boredom, we reach Phuentsholing very early evening and then everyone got dispersed excitingly. But Like them, I didn't have any excitement and moreover I felt so lethargic and blue. However as I have to spend my night in hotel (though I have my uncle staying in phuentsholing I have never choose to stay and love to be spend over), then I rushed to hotel where I used to stay most of the time when I travel managing one porter as I could not carry all of my bags together and in mean while going to hotel, I switch on my mobile, suddenly in no second I receive a call from my only tsagyem,  although I was sad as she was not coming, but her call always mean a lot to me and without holding even a bit I picked her call. She told me in the phone that, “thinking my tsagye is upset and down looking at his poor tsagyem, I managed at least to call to my friend to book room for you in my name.”  And yup she told me to go directly to the hotel and cross check her name with room number and go to the room as her friend is waiting there.

I rushed to the hotel and yup saw her name in 6^th and cross checked the room number and went to room. When I reached there, the hotel cleaner was cleaning the room and I was just wondering where her friend is, as she was nowhere to find and in mean while I gave money to porter and then upon arranging my bags inside keeping on the table and bed, I saw one cute little bag which was exactly the same which I have gifted to her on the table. Once I thought, my tsagyem must have turned up but smiling, I thought again I must be being silly as her friends must have that similar bag too, and then I came outside the balcony to give room cleaner a time to clean the room.  As I came outside, I don’t know how to describe how I felt, but I have one particular feeling that “no matter how much sad you feel you are, happiness is always right next when you turn when your important person in life is there for you” this is the magic of a love.                                                                                                                       She, my angel, woman of my heart, was just their leaning beautifully on the balcony.                                   

 Her cheek was on her hand, Faced down.

And with the closing step that I took,

In minute of time she turned an angle exactly moving her head to look,

There, she was exactly like beautiful rising sun,

Rising above the balcony so greatly glowing,

With the single turn, her hair flowed dressing naturally; 

It was like nature art drawn beautifully. 

And I could see her smile not just on lips but even in the eyes,

Making me almost cries.

She walked toward me innocently and fairly.

But I was still lost in the magic of huge joys madly.

And With my hand over her, hugging so tight,

It was a like drinking water in desert with huge thirst.

And was a moment that I shed tears of huge joys with indefinable happiness,                                            over the magical surprise,

                                                      

 I don’t how much she discovered how I felt, but I really want to know that, it was something, something more than a special, a big surprise, a big day on our day and moreover, simply she made me feel simply on the top of world, where I just felt like shouting loud, louder than anything, saying, “I love you so much pelden.”  In life, no matter what, how much ever we’re sad, upset or over blues,  the happiness take no time to get rid all this from us. I feel so much blessed to have a lady who is down to earth.

Indefinable day(an excerpt from my story from the diary)

Her cheek was on her hand, Faced down.

And with the closing step that I took,

In minute of time she turned an angle exactly moving her head to look,

There, she was exactly like beautiful rising sun,

Rising above the balcony so greatly glowing,

With the single turn, her hair flowed dressing naturally; 

It was like nature art drawn beautifully.  

And I could see her smile not just on lips but even in the eyes,

Making me almost cries.

She walked toward me innocently and fairly.

But I was still lost in the magic of huge joys madly.

And With my hand over her, hugging so tight,

It was a like drinking water in desert with huge thirst.

And was a moment that I shed tears of huge joys in indefinable happiness,                                                          

Over magical surprise,

(the unforgettable, indefinable and the most gifted day-13th of January 2013. )  

                               

A midnight with FC. Barcelona vs Athletico match( quarter final, second leg. champions league)
                         

                        Today from the early morning, despite having my exam i was waiting curiously for the quarter final for champions league between Barcelona and Athletico madrid which was going to kick off at midnight and seriously i was so sure for Barcelona to get through this second leg so easily, how ever it was total turn out, which made my night so blue. (I supported this club next after Real Madrid so much from the time i started developing as a passionate soccer player and as tonight as the club didn't make it to semi final, it was  a sort of blue night)

As the time approaches for the kick off, I  started making myself comfortable,keeping my water bottle on the table,  arrange  lap top on the desk in clear view and made myself so comfortably leaning on the walls switching on the match from the, sport lemon web site. By then, at around 12:15 the match started and from the very early beginning the half of light was shut down after Athletico Madrid player "keko" made his way through net shortly after 5 minutes from the kick off turning aggregate 2-1. In the very first half, the madrid, played so comfortably, despite the total control of the ball with Barcelona as always and thought that Barcelona had rare chance to turn off the game. By then as second half begins, they started playing defensively which provide a large barrier for Barca to penetrate and to make a way through the net. How ever, despite the strongest defensive play, the Barca, tried so much, did so well and yup got numbers of chance and my light inside started waking up,but as they failed to score, even if the ball was right in front and right from that time, i got an answer and my total light shut down and  i knew it was not a good day for them, indeed a bad day.
Finally as the match ended, the fans of athletico started cheering, and fans of Barca getting dimmer and i was one of them among million taking so much energy cheering up myself alone in the room expecting to win, but they didn't make it as i expected, how ever they tried, played so well and yup made a taste of football as always. Cheers! to Barca and yap congratulate athletico for making to semi final.

        Look From the old chair when I started my college days.

             Have you ever tried going back to those times in your mind when you say?

Upon those worst times;  like whenever you get pissed off over the horrible situation, whenever during broken days or during some awful times when leak into our door saying, life sucks or it’s hell. And comparatively in those happy days when you exclaim wow! What an awesome time/day/moment, when a light has shown upon you. but if we look into closer view, it's all upon us how to make it a day that we want.

Undeniably it must be true to almost all of us with these particular stuffs, even if we don’t speak out. As human, we always have a tendency to cheer only on those times when it glows and get off to the shore during worst times, being negligent to try and standing tall.

Many of us, usually during those worst times, our positive energy lowers down to zero, failing to stand when the situation pulls, failing to fight when situation challenge us, and to put in extra effort when you’re in sheer as during those time’s we never think of the happiness that will come tomorrow and as we don’t know that, the challenges of today give us a total strength to stand tall happily the very next time. Human in general has never been powerful himself to conquer his mind though he can build unimaginable stuff in a minute of time. You know, whenever, when the worst times show upon us, simultaneously it triggered like an antigen and antibody formation, where our mind is filled with all those negativity, heart filled with all those negative feelings( Hatred, Sadness, Anger..Fear...etc), because most of us has never been so successful in conquering our mind. Say for example, if there is very important test like as if do and die for life tomorrow and it was announce just one day ago. If I am not wrong, out of hundredth, ninety nine percent of us would land up getting scare and fear how can I do? With anger, why they didn't announce us earlier? And with sadness and despair, I am poor and I really can’t make it. But if we seriously take into as normal thing in our normal life, will we be scared, angry and sad? I don’t think, because our mind and heart has never been able to focus on our inner thought sometimes. See, we clearly can discover that, the worst time, the worst situation, completely rule us giving us all those negative feeling, and as we grow up on this negativity, thus we land up saying, “Damn! Life sucks, (or something like so poor of me, or what the hell).”  But what we actually need to do is to face it with generating a positive thoughts, standing tall without getting despair with the self trust and courage to move, because life as whole is never on only one thing for all of us and will never will be to make ourselves happy, as we can find many different roads to make it.

Yup similarly, let me go with some positive situations.  Like for example, how you will react when you’re most awaited day show upon what on earth it is. Every one of us, would be heavenly happy and indeed an indefinable happiness that you can’t hold. That’s similarly what happens here too, where the positive situation generate our positive thought, positive energy, feeling and love, thus with mark from our lips with immense happiness inside “ what a perfect day” comes out. But life has never been, so perfect, so pure and permanent, it’s our entire mind that make up.

Looking back sitting from those old chair of my first year college till now, though haven’t spend much time here in India and yet still have couple of year to spend, Fighting every day and night of my 1^st year to the 2^nd year as it’s about to complete, I came to discover with every situation here in India that, nothing is so perfect, nothing is so worst. Many times, as I pass though the street, auto driver, tea maker,  beggar and everything which are fighting for their own living restlessly yet smilingly always give me a reason of more than thousands, that it totally depend upon us how to make it a day. Yap I know, some might argue on this point saying, this is the situation in India, but if we look into with closer view, it’s like our daily challenges that totally build up with our inner strength of mind and heart. Challenges usually are in many different form’s,  and let me tell you, our anger, our sadness, despairs and all around the negative thoughts put us down like we never can wake up. But those of every people working in the street road, living each days fighting in the scorching sun, accepting the truth of challenge, they keep fighting for living, destroying their negative thoughts every time that’s what I call the simple hero of the their own life. Because, many of us whether big or small, rich or poor, we usually face a problem with our negative thoughts to be the hero. If we really think better, the happiness is right next door to us. Therefore, what so important for all of us is, it’s not “what a hell” or “what a big  day”  but every day is the starting of life….to live with hope and dreams with positive energy to face it no matter how worst is the situation.

                      Late afternoon call.

                Like every usual day for me,one Sunday i was sleeping deep on the bed till afternoon, and yap that too i woke up only after mommy called me. When i share all this stuffs, It doesn't mean that I find most of my days in college sleeping, but there is no choice usually in hot summer days, where we can't get outside like other normal days even if want to, where we can't refresh by playing's, going for walk until the evening swallow the day and moreover these days as we are in sort of holiday for the semester exam preparation most of the time, there is nothing to do, so we find time usually sleeping to save boredom and summer heat of India.

Late afternoon, i heard a buzzing bees like sound on my table, time and again and in half sleep i woke up to check and it was a call from my mommy. Suddenly, then i rub my eyes, clear throat to pretend that i was not sleeping till at this time as mommy will definitely feel bad, but as i picked up my phones, mommy knew it that i was just waking up, as usually when we just wake up, our hoarse voice just appear and disclose the truth.  and then she scolded me saying "cheychey,why are you sleeping till late after noon? and i guess you're still sleeping like the way you use to do when you are at home, grow up chey chey with a pause."  then i was smiling drowsily and answered with lies to escape and not to let mommy worries as she most of the time land up worrying, tensing for us. After that, like usual, we find our conversation where by; She always ask me how i am doing? how is my studies going on? how is my health and how is the status of everything in all around and we hanged our phone and by then my sleepiness has already gone but still then i lied down on the bed to get rid of those laziness and the very time, a particular thought sprung up in my mind and i realize one thing. and it's damn true to each and everyone of us.
You know most of the time, we land up pretending, neglecting without getting up and putting our selves into their position, until and unless as time show upon us and make us realize. Obviously i am pretty sure that, not only me, most of the people around the world would find through word to defend everything what they love and what they care. Everyone of us, we do have much to say on thing's we love and care, people we love and care, because simply there is a huge feeling of attachment and love, that's why we never wanted our thing and people to fall down, we always want to look better, best and as we expected, that's why we always have unending says.
Yap sometimes to us, it sounds as complain, scolding and being strict and i don't disregard too, after all it's true to all spring chickens in the world. But until and unless as time come for everyone of us to realize and stop escaping away through lies.
You'll a discover a real meaning out of it.
See, if we really look into with deep focus, you know, like everyone we have a unending words coming inside our mind, crazy feeling in our heart and that's why, we can't stand on seeing what we love and care in wrong positions and as what we expected.
That's why every mom in the world in one way or other way,  they know they're mother and they do always have a responsibility to make their own child better with love and care. That's why be it scolding or advice, harsh or strict, complain or say,  if we really take into greater account, every word that spoke to us is single wisdom for a day to become better human being.
Thus reasonably, we need to understand that, for each and every person to whom we have feeling call love and care,  we always much unending says and complains, 'cause we want the best out of them.

                                         

"definition of the perfect beauty"
looking back from all those time when i was in love( 13-1-2013)to each and every moment i spend, i got million reasons to explain that "love can fight all war" 
a message of dedication to my love that defines my life.

She discovered my real dream.
Indeed, she is an angel that never make me despair a single moment.
Not even day, no matter how harsh.
She not only ease the living days,
But she totally changed the way how i think,

How I look things into

and how i understand the world.

She got to understand that; 

She is the only gift in my life that i am so lucky of,

Who would blow away the harshness.

And give the chance to feel stronger,

Stronger that can stand tall in all times,

No matter how harsh,

No matter how devastating.

Falling in love madly,

Each and every crazy moments

You taught me that:

It’s not necessary to be strong

But to feel strong with brave heart that never quiver.

And  heart that will never quit what you crave for.

You're  my number one,

You're  meaning to a word "perfect" for me.

  Otiose college days. 
( every coming day, it started always the same, waking up late, sleeping late, embracing my inner bird in this way, like there is no time for sleep the very next dawn.)                     

 In the half sleep rubbed my eyes,

Scratched porcupine like hairs fuzzily

And get up most days lazily,

Yet, on the bed several times sways.

With dawn moving away.

The usual day begins in the middle,

When everyone is half way bridged for day.

And it’s been always that way.

The day of all my lazy times

That never sublime.