COLD THIRST.

5 AM, cold winter morning!

When my alarm reverberate to the loudest,

I found myself panting to catch the sufficient volume of cold air,

With the wrestling thoughts of dream in my head

When I first open my eyes from sleep.

There, I was sweating.

With random dream of struggling.

She was a subject of my war.

War irrespective of the daylight and dark.

Indeed, her sum find my all days that come.

Subsequent dream that I fought,

Thrust even my 5 AM pure thought.

She has found me even through the breath,

Extending to the widest of breadth,

An expanse of niche i live, she became my air.

Early 5 AM morning,

Alarm buzzed,

There like antelope riding, dream inflicted suffer of massive loneliness,

Added with sweet urgent miss,

With all those dream to wake up by her side each successive morning.

Even a dream she haunted!!!

Uncertainty

Yesterday, deep azure sky flourish,

Amidst golden yellow sun glitter,

Bluish ocean reflects prismatic-ally via whole medium,

Yet those whispering wind flatter flags wonderfully

Air was so much filled with rhythmic melody huge than skyscraper

A realm brimmed with out most joys.

Today deep dark sky over rule,

Thick blanket of cumulus shadowing dark,

Thundered rain disturbed calmest ocean,

Neither music do justice to the cold air,

Nor warmest tulip do help to the coldest heart,

So less was bouyancy, sinking with gravity,

A realm flooded with abyss sorrows.

So many thing has happened,

Time has move so fast,

Faster than those blinks of my eye.

A mother tree perished,

and her seed made forest,

A little girl i saw by roadside has turn into beautiful woman

And a beautiful lady i know has wrinkled.

Time has moved so fast,

That my bone even started to ache.

Map to heart.

Unburdened smiles like the searing sunset,

Dazzling eyes like the flawless moon,

Sweetness of tang like lily,

Voice like honey,

Colour buoyed clouds with golden brilliance,

Beautifying the primordial sky,

Intoxicating whole of lying vale,

With tides of pulsating songs of joy In the air,

Nobody has find me more than this,

Neither sky nor earth.

Neither sun nor moon.

Everything was a trouble in air 

All was knitted thread of infinite,

Like woven silence of women.

Until all those sum of parts she share,
Drew a map to my heart.

Sweetest pain

An another story,

Story of a men who found letting go so hard.

Those weary naked eyes,

Clench of knot in belly,

Wrestling battle in chamber of love

I could exactly picture as those words meet my eye.

“With those glaring eyes,

Wearing a beautiful smiles,

She watched me so close and keenly into my eyes hugging tight.

Those sweet lips unravel her deepest feeling;

Promising thousands,

Speaking millions of dreams,

And disclosing how much i mean to her.

Like there was no tomorrow in her future.

I still have those rhythm of beat when it drum against my chest,

I still hear those gasp of relieve she breath when her head fall on my shoulder.

How beautiful it was,  is never same today.

Sky has started darkening,

Weather has started worsening,

Things has started fading slowly,

For my lips are blue,

And my lamp inside gets dimmer,

I am young but I feel so  old.

I didn’t see this future until now when thing’s are never same.

It was beautiful but never same today.

Everything that kept me float, drown me.

Everything that kept me alive, consume me.

Sweetest pain has fed me multiple times,

And I am dying old inside with the smile she always asked for.

And only if thirteen comes again, a flame would burn as sweet as the pain i am engaged.”

Prayers and sympathy for Paris.

Moon has already chased the sun, night has become darker  and world dropped to silence even fading the sounds of busiest chirping crickets, barking dog and loaded trucks. It was yesterday- a Friday night  and usually during the start of weekend holiday I never sleep early and even if I try, my sleep would have flee far away. My energy would be at the maximum that would even sustained till dawn break and like usual I was browsing over net, playing internet games, chatting, reading article  and by then it was already midnight when I had my supper with my friend.

After our midnight dinner, instead of sleeping we locked our door and went to our friends room which Is in the next block building to watch international football match. You know, we never miss watching important football matches even if it’s during our exam time and if there is football match  just like yesterday in weekends when holiday just start, it would be one of the luckiest and cherishing night for us. There was series of international matches in swing happening simultaneously ( SPAIN VS ENGLAND, GERMANY VS FRANCE, WALES VS HOLLAND, BELGIUM VS ITALY etc) where we were bit stuck in the middle choosing which country match to watch, and finally we landed up watching Spain vs England and Germany vs France simultaneously as there 15 minutes differences in the starting time.

As usual the crowd was huge,  fans shouting to the peak of their voice with excitements,  drums every where accompanied with blowing horns in stadium and on other side of world ,three of us like three musketeer was cheering up in the middle of night even if we were watching the match on laptop struggling over timely fluctuating net.  The game passed so long without conceding any goals,  and yeah crowd was still cheering huge and three of us was also  watching and  simultaneously talking about the previous day match when our country lost to china with huge differences(12-0).

By around 4 am in the morning (Saturday) the match got over with ( Spain 2-England 0, France 2-Germany 0)  and yeah two of us came back to our room to sleep as it was already late.  By then like after 20 to 30 minutes, my friend showed me on the Instagram picture which title “BESTOFFOOTBALL” with stadium full of fans, and caption reading “ our thoughts and prayers are with everyone in Paris . Many people have been shot around Paris and big hostage situation.  People that saw the match France-Germany stay in stadium for safety reasons.”   Seriously, I couldn’t believe for a once that world is so much a unsafe place to survive and live. I couldn’t believe my eyes that I read those lines after just seeing those huge crowds in huge excitements couple minutes ago.

Suddenly after I saw that picture on the Instagram, I browsed over chrome on BBC to check what really has happened. And to my dismay i saw huge bold on the page  “ PARIS ATTACK- BATACLAN and other assaults leave many dead.”   Where 80 people were killed, 180 leaving injured after gunmen stormed into Bataclan concert hall which was one of the deadliest  of Friday night attack and three of gunmen was also already dead after they have blown themselves up and one shot dead by police after security forces stormed inside the concert hall.

The picture of stadium filled with fans who watched a match was accompanied by president and other spectators and was one of the target for those attackers. and it was witnessed after two explosion and three gunmen were shot dead on spot. That's why all of them were caged in the stadium for the safety reasons.  

After reading all of those news, i couldn't sleep and i was bit disturbed thinking world is still a unsafe place to survive and live among people and people also. i was disturbed seeing those huge crowds in panics and cries which i saw them in huge excitement 20 minutes earlier . 

I pay my sympathy and prayers to all those people in Paris and may happiness find a way through soon as usual. 

Tribute to my king.

Stories as it narrates;

Songs of joys sung loud to the peak,

Prayers reaching to entire,

Excitements flourishing richly in each heart,

Unraveling through the sweetest of expressions,

Unfolding the most skilled of the art,

With the genuine of toil.

My eyeball were amazed,

With kiss on the ceiling of my head,

And sweetness in the wall of heart,

As I watch through beautiful window from an old chair,

Watching beautiful tributes on his Majesties 60th Birthday Anniversary .

An art of impulses and beat on my plate.

Born upon seeing millions of homage to the almighty,

And yet Gave a vivid picture of motherland in extreme joys,

Even through the lens from far away land.

It made me miss the heaven in motherland on this momentous occasion;

A day when a hero was born and peace was showered,

A day when nation was blessed with unconditional happiness,

A day when harsh fade and heaven born with his love.

A day when all new beginning of spring sprung.

My words won’t reach to altitude of your true leadership,

Just like subject of extraordinary that can’t be describe,

Still then, I pay my homage on this significant day with words from abyss of my heart.

My almighty;

You’re an epitome for thousands of generation,

Stories of huge inspiration and light,

North star to thousand of lost souls,

Reason of smile those who’ve forgotten,

Weapon of unity to all,

 I Salute you for all that made me see a 'heaven' on this earth in our nation.

Human and life.

Navigating from the time when you’re born and raised, through the boat you’ve voyage so long in the vast ocean has so big to tell but most of us keep moving most of the time without even giving a single stop to think on the daily life activities. Once one cold freezing night, like of those usual sleepless night when my eyelids took full control of my eyes, when body metabolically active, when whole of thoughts thundered and rumble in my head, unlike other night going through whole expanse of imaginations through the greatest distance mind travel it offered me a good time with a chance to think about the life we live from the time when we born and raised.

 The followings are few thoughts among many which i wrote here according to my experiences and the perspective on life which many of us live;

Love, life and people

Many among millions must have gone through or even if they hadn’t they must have witnessed at least.  You know, in our life as we grow up, as life take us to different places we meet so many people either of our kind or different. What is the funniest and strangest thing that I have noticed, experienced and seen is, how people that we use to know, those people who have been so much to you, so close to you turning into strangers sometimes so easily in short span of time.  An example, love is in air everywhere and one way or other, everybody of us even if we are of strongest kind is in need of love, care and affection with the whole burning of desire inside us which make us to search for love intentionally or unintentionally.  When we fall for love, when we find soft corner for the person, in the beginning it started with all those ties of dreams, hopes, wishes, and promises like we could even give up whole of ourselves to the people that we love, but as day turn into week, week into months and years, naturally problems, barriers, challenges comes on our way which sometime completely ruin the relation due to so much of expectation or due to different qualities that one can’t accept for each other, and it happens in most cases which started with hurts, betrayal, sadness and all. All of this is perfectly fine, because we can’t deny the truth of life being series of battles that testify us each coming days, but what is unbelievable and strange is, how those people who has known from tip of hair to tip of nails, who has share hundreds days of happiness and joys turning easily into complete foes in short time after all problems in life.

It look so strange and funny to me because obstacles and problems has nothing to do and ruin the entire thing if everyone of us don’t give a way ,after all the problems and life is normal.

So have you ever thought of why all this things turns out so bad? I think it turns so bad unbelievably, because of human and self associated problems of ego and the demon that everyone has inside. Such is a strange life sometimes going on in this beautiful world.

Life and game.

There are millions of things we encounter in our daily life and among all; troubles, struggles and battles is one that arises anywhere at any time in all the time that comes, irrespective of any status and situation. So the question is how you have been dealing with this entire situation, when sometimes lives don’t treat fairly or either when life finds us through wrong times.   Adrenaline rush, head breaking thoughts, heavy worries and all sort of negatives vibes right! I know, most of us are subjected or either made like this to react when suddenly troubles find us through our day to day life.  Here is the undeniable truth; unnecessarily reacting and letting ourselves go through worries, tension and heavy thoughts even through the normal life struggles.   Unnecessarily holding things and pressurizing within one making inner peace flee through those things which we have to let go.  Waiting so much for the entire good thing to happen when we know we have to put our energy to achieve.  Such as this, there are so many in lists which one way or other way we struggle ourselves; making ourselves our own troubles. So there is no way we can expect to solve problems, to expect for good when we ourselves make more complicated.

In life, there is so much and more to endure, there is lot of times that we should be ready ourselves and focused to battle any kind of situation without worrying too much, and yeah learning to let things go off which are mean to, because have you ever notice yourself, you know where we faced this thousand kind of situations but still we are the same individual with same thoughts but expecting good things to happen. So basically we should learn to adapt, we should learn to battle in the best way with all the positive thoughts, because all this series of battles through the meandering course just is temporary as our life which just came to test us and it’s normal.

Wishes and realizations

When do we realize most of the time?  According to me, many of us realize when worst started appearing and when our situations become stagnant and worsen. What do we do basically after all this realizations is start wishing foolishly when we know nothing can change? An anecdote from my life at college, a similar story everyone would have in some point of life.  Most of the time, my college days begin waking up early morning, then attending usual lectures, and finally coming back to room and either playing football or watching movies or busy with some social sites.  This same schedules follow almost throughout the whole semester and at the end when exam arrive on the door, i would land up struggling burning midnight oil, which would be much easier if i have given a quality of time from the beginning and as a result i would land up getting exhausted unnecessarily, would land up giving tough time to myself, and wishing if i have a little more time to study good and well.

In life, in many cases to many of us we do almost all the same thing everywhere at anytime even if we are alarmed of the future, even if we have dreams by living the life of mediocrity and finally landing up realizing when the worst start appearing.    There is so many thing in life where we land up realizing lately; realization of short of time when it’s all finish, realization of love and care when it’s far gone, realization of missing happy home when you go through struggles and thousand more that make us realize each coming day making us wish more and landing up getting devastated at the end when nothing get change which we could have done before if we are little serious of life. 

So basically I think giving ourselves a time to do what we are suppose to do would make life so much easier without having to realize when everything is at stagnant, but it’s a life most of us live in number of days in our life in  this modern society which ultimately lead us to worst time.

Unbeatable

Clouds in head,

Blade in the back of spine,

Chest tighten solidly,

Melancholy enough to sink heart,

Churns in belly,

Body numbed slowly,

Hopes destroyed,

Yeah I got you man totally, but who the fool told you that you’re dead.

It’s you, who’ve stopped flying

It’s you, who’ve stopped walking,

It’s you, who’ve stopped fighting,

It’s you, who’ve stop feeling,

Battles is a life, those challenges are natural.

It’s just a test to find your strength.

Believe me you’re closer to where you want than yesterday,

Believe me you’re stronger than today

And believe me you’re unbeatable.

                                                    

                                                

Changing dreams.

In everyday of our life, starting from the time when we are born and raised we pass through the series of journey encountering millions of things , either things expected or unexpected that makes us excited or drowned, usual or unusual.   By the way, did you ever question yourself sometime’s with your inner self of how you’re doing? if your dreams are fulfilled? and if you’re really on the place that you wanted to be or not?  and a million questions that you desperately waiting for an answer.  If it’s not the worst of blunder, I guess we ask less to ourselves then the feeling that arose within the same body, I guess this days we care less for questioning ourselves then letting it go and let time to take where ever it takes us.

It was one fine morning, when Delhi has welcome a cold wind of winter and I was on the terrace catching some air before going to college.  Suddenly, all those flashback when I was a kid, when I was in school, when I was a student came rumbling in my mind when I see those kids near my college campus going to school for the day and I had a question back in mind; What they would become? How they would make themselves to see the world and let people see them?

Each and every individual must have a dream that they dream to be,wishes that they wished to be with all the lights from different people that we meet in our daily life and with each single journey that we take since from the time when we started our journey of life.  But do you ever thought  of how much dream that disappear and come another? Do you ever thought  if you have nurtured and living with a same dream that you wanted to be?

Alright, allow me to narrate the shortest of my story of life of dreams.                                                   

 When I started my pre-primary school, I was one of the weakest student that teacher would have in his class and moreover  I wasn’t interested in studying and all sort of education at school. That very time, my dream, my wish was to be a  monk.  Seriously I still remember how much I have fallen in love for those life,  when I see monk of my age when my parents takes to monastery and temple.

 

Gradually with moving time when  I was 9, I forgot all those dreams and by then I was a average student after the best a dad could do for his son. He always find a time to teach me, always find a great ways to develop my enthusiasm and energy in studies and would encourage me to be like my big brother who is excellent in studies.  Once as it happened during class 3, when I topped English and ranked third in class, my energy has boosted to maximum level and with each passing year, I felt love so much with the language and I wanted to a journalist.

My dream of becoming journalist lasted a few year after I pass my Bhutan secondary examination.  And getting to higher secondary, I was one of the student among many who was confused in choosing subject.  By then , with less of my dreams and more of the dreams of people whom I love, I choose the dreams of my love to be a humble doctor in my life. So, as it happen  my dream was to be a doctor and land up in higher secondary school choosing biology completing closing another window of engineering.

So now i am here in Delhi, pursuing pharmacy, to be pharmacist in future and that’s my career.  In life, i guess nobody is sure of who you wanted to be, because dreams changes with every situations and growth of change in this life. Seriously, i saw rarely those who still lived with dream that wanted to be always. 

With all my changing dreams, i landed up wondering about those school going kids of what they would become and where life would take them. Sometime's i feel like dreams are like those dream that we see in sleep which disappear the next morning when we wake up.

So the question is; are you still with dreams that you wanted to fulfill? are you in the place that you wanted to be?  i admit i am not and i wonder where life would take me next despite the plans and huge dreams even after those disappeared ones.

DROWNED WITH HER SWIM

Long lost into different road,
And those roads switched back with huge load,
With a gift of moment from astral influences.
Haven't those moments of life came,
If, i didn't paid an attention,
Or never let in from where it all began,
I would still have a heavy head with storm thought.
I would never know how it feel dead,
I would never know how it feel drowned,
I would never discover the saddest emotions and painful hurts,
I would never understand why people talk of giving up even if i went through,
You know,being able to swim perfectly,
Able to fight and stand,
Able to grind the worst,
Wasn't all the reason that erase the worst,
It still hides in the masquerades of happy faces.
And a watch of those flowing tears of saddest emotions,
Those cries of painful hurt,
Those clattering teeth of huge hold,
I knew it has long story to narrate.
A narration even a time wouldn't be able to take or heal.
And i found myself drowned with them,
Watching her swimming every sunrise.

FLOURISH AND PERISH.

Air was filled with huge joy,

And sooner sank in melancholy.

At time everything wonderfully flourish,

And passing time they sadly perish,

Alas! everything is so temporary.

Like a beautiful dream that disappear when you wake up

But why all those good time's rot?

When all those memories still dance in my mind abundantly.

Memories just make me crave,

Even when things are decayed.

Locked in deep thought and sorrow.

Have you ever thought of where the greatest prison is? he questioned me.

The question took me off even from the walls of my imagination, thinking what actually he was trying to say and myself trying hard to answer him, because I knew, those weary eyes, tired soul isn’t questioning me about the real prison that keep criminals and moreover he has never opened up himself until that day.

Silence has starting growing deep, deeper than those pacific  and Instead of answering to what he queried, I was stuck watching him and his heavy head. Seriously I didn’t know how to respond to such situation and by then at least clearing my throat, I tried speaking;  why such question suddenly and I told him I guess I don’t know what actually the answer is, but I guess I can help you find the answer.

Silence ruled us for couple of minutes and at last, he clear his throat, breathing heavily with those tears holding in his eyes and share me the story to the question.

 “Two years, nine month ago I has fallen into love so deep and still this feeling has never outgrow and I know it will never. You know,  13^th of January 2013, I met a beautiful lady, beautiful in physique, beautiful in thoughts, beautiful In everything, the sum of all part was just undefinable beauty that make me fall so intensely and unconditionally. That was the time, that I saw the heaven, the beauty of life.  Seriously, I have never been happy to such height, indeed I was lucky to fall in love and to be loved in return by a women whom you love head to toe. Our relation was very strongly cemented within those hundred of days and night, and each following morning I just fall for her helplessly again and again, and I knew without her nothing makes sense.  You know It’s a time when you see a light of life and you can’t live without it.” He breath heavily like going through the toughest of war in life and told me “ Love is so magical and powerful”

Then he continued after a minute with heavy exhale of suffocated air from lung’s and said; “ But I didn’t knew those time of troubles will come, I didn’t knew those times of struggles will come, I didn’t knew  worst will rule us.”       I interrupted him and asked, did you guys broke up?  He smile and said, “no bro, just a terrible situation, I don’t know how to even put into a proper sentence. Actually I have been wondering for couples of month and still I don’t get an answer to what I search.  You know, I have did all the best that I could effort even beyond my capacity,but somehow a terrible situation popped in out of no where and that took me into this terrible time. I still don’t know the problem behind, I still don’t know the reason behind, but she look so unhappy and this hurts me terribly.  I thought, she is going   through all this hard times just because of ‘distance’,  as most of the time I cant reach to help her when she is in extreme need, not being able to support her when about to fall but I did at least the best that I could do, but it look so insufficient and looking through the problem arising right now, I feel distance is not an answer.”

Later after a sip of water he continued;  “ lately I am going through some terrible situation, where I am like in desert ‘lost and never found’. I don’t know what I have to do. I don’t know how I have to respond. Time has started treating me so badly. Being in distance relationship, most of the time I use to keep in touch with her through Facebook, we-chat and Watsapp and no matter what problem arises, I am always  the first person to tell sorry and to beg for solving things to make it better, because I can’t really lose her. Losing her would mean so bad that time won’t even heal those traumatic sorrows.  And as always, this days also, I have been always messaging her every morning, day and night just searching for the opportunity to make conversation and to make things better, but she has live completely with silence. I waited so long thinking time will find us someday, but things started worsening.  You know after long time, I saw notification on my mobile phone and it was her message on Watsapp, I was very happy and relieve indeed, but to my notice she messaged me with a sentence “you don’t have to, I am no more your belonging” in response to my long message that reads –

‘Dear, its been long time you have been with silence. I really don’t know why you are treating me this way, but I need you to answer, because I really can’t find charm in anything I do without you. Seriously I miss you so terribly.’

And a minute later she has blocked me in all chat sites after a little conversation  that slip in 60 seconds. So less was a time.” He breath like air stuck in his chest after sharing his trouble and finally said the answer to question that started the story.

“The greatest prison I thought is in our mind, because I don’t know what I am going to do. Yeah ,she told me to move on several times, but I couldn’t even a single time. The moment of thoughts of losing her I get frozen numb, I even can’t move on, because all of me is a hollow body without a heart.”

I felt sorry for him and yeah tried speaking to make him feel better for a while, by then it was already a new morning when we go to bed.

CHANGE

   

Began with beautiful  morning,

But ended with exhausted evening.

Yesterday, high above it was deep bright blue,

Today   deep dark grew.

Breathing cold,

Walked along the roadway

Watching those sailing boats,

Watching those rushing waves,

Watching those flying aeroplane,

Watching those blowing winds,

Watching those rising fumes,

And next everything disappeared.

Like evaporated morning dew,

Like withered spring flower,

Things changed so fast in compass of time.

Even those of hardest wall I thought has fallen,

Even Those strongest heart I thought has broken,

Good friends has turned into bad foes,

Love into so much abomination,

Patience into exasperation,

Happiness into misery .

Changes so unavoidable changed everything.

TRAUMATIC SORROW                         

Despair at estuary with nightfall,

Heart sink into sorrows traumatically.

 Shimmering lights even begins fading,

 And yet like metastasis cancer cells, worst started spreading.

Poisoned bloodstream spread-ed to all extremities

With It’s reach cut short to heart,

Trembling body started worsening  blue

And yet those highest pain couldn’t effort even relieving scream.

Those unbearable pain at crux flourish at highest,

So much was a pain like naked body in freezing ice,

 Those  loudest scream in the head tried breaking his head,

But couldn’t effort then letting go slowly and eat him away.

 “She wondered that hope was so much harder then despair.” -Patricia Briggs

                                       MISSING HOME.

“Usually when complete silence evolve as afternoon sink, I find myself into those big room expecting  ‘huge dead log’ on the bed  and when I couldn't see anything, I land up missing both of you terribly”

Just a day ago I got a call from my goddess(mom) and  usually when ever she ring me, the first thing she would  never forget to question me is ‘Hope you’re not sick?’ and upon hearing me ‘sound, fine and perfect’ In sigh of huge relieve she would thank me so much with love and kiss for staying fine and strong. You know, since from the day when I was admitted to ICU in my second year due to severe dengue fever, she always stay with heavy load of tension and worries about my health even if I am an adult now. Sometime I feel terribly sorry for my mom for always giving a trouble instead of helping her as I grow up.

Quite of a long duration we’re in long conversation about home, my studies and normal routines and in middle of conversation unable to hold, in tears she told me,  “ Cheychey,usually when complete silence evolve as afternoon sink, I find myself into those big room expecting both of you like ‘huge dead log’ on the bed and when I could see anything, I land up missing you both”  and to my realization It was exactly 2 pm in the evening when my dad left for office, when my younger brother go to school right after lunch and when she is all alone at home.  I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t know how to answer, I was blank and frozen yet with waters in my eye flooding. Sometime’s what I hate the most is, no matter how much I love, no matter how much I care,no matter how much my mom is special to me  I don’t know how to let my feeling come in words and make her feel good.

Following after a minute of silence she told me, “don’t worry alright? actually I was in your room  and suddenly when I expected you and  brother like a dead log on the bed and when I couldn’t see  both of you, I couldn't hold back then calling both of you”  and at last with soft laugh, she whispered ‘What to do? This is your mommy, who loves both of you  that I sometimes can’t digest the absence of you guys’ and she hanged the call telling me to stay strong, healthy and finally teasing me with my girl as always.

Lately i started missing home and my mom so much that sometime's i land up in tears and especially this days, it has been hard times at night, where no matter how much i try to sleep i couldn't and i don't know where my sleeps has fled, and this hard times make me miss my home terribly, because no matter how much i sleep, i still would fall to sleep peacefully till the late evening like mom said "shing tomang"(dead log) and my exhausted body is in need of quiet a long holiday and moreover, i am just saddened with a truth that there is no much time for me to spend time at home happily with mom and dad, as i will graduate soon which closes down my vacation and as time has drawn closer and so near to be one responsible and a grown up man. Time indeed has moved so fast...

Ocean as an ink,  sky as paper, still i would find too less for my words for how much i miss my home and my parent's. 

                              Challenges for good.

Quite a rough day it has been as it happened for the past few weeks but thankful to god as it was at least not to the extend of  tough days when soldier come from the battle field.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow for almost a week or two has been quite a tough time , I would rather prefer saying things that are out of my control has completely rule over me making me sick and sad, but as always I stand tall to fight back just hoping the very next day to be a beautiful morning , as life has totally unpredictable way of treating people where “ even in the worst time, we are still full of blessing”  and even when we are in good times, bad lucks comes unpredictably, such a life is, ‘unpredictable’.

 Most of the time, many of us are blindfold to treat the days same as it has resulted;  worst in worst ways,  good in good ways,  sad in sad ways  where we get little carried away with all those that happened forgetting what will come next, such is the worst kind of human mind so much conditioned like Pavlov dog.

Yesterday- was again more one more sleepless night in row sandwiched in those rough days. I ain’t sure why I even can’t sleep even if I want to sleep and moreover I wasted all of my time since morning  completely doing nothing . You know, I planned to write some articles but my thoughts were drained out,  I thought of going through books, but my energy was zero, I thought of washing my clothes but I was too lazy as always and I was just fucked up.

Sleepless, fucked up and nothing to do,  just like everyone I was back again to my sony experia phone, like everybody in this modern time who gets to their mobile phone like they have to feed always.  By then trying to make myself feel good, I was browsing over some pharmaceutical research articles, some journals, and yeah going through few among million Instagram photos  and out of nowhere I was back again to ‘Facebook and we-chat’ like everyone,  the most visited site of the time that everyone does when ever they have nothing to do and yeah suddenly I landed chatting with one of my closest person who was also going through the similar condition.

Following our conversation about so many stuffs, I didn’t know how time passed, but it was already morning, when I only could realize upon hearing the those loud call of early morning prayers and yeah we decided to sleep. It was 5 am in the early morning, the dawn was yet to break, I adjust myself to sleep with thought-‘ at least I have to wake up early even if I don’t do anything’ but again for couple of minutes, I wasted my time trying sleeping. I was just wondering where my sleep fled until morning light find me through.

It was Saturday, and don’t ask me how was your day?  I didn’t know how It passed, I didn’t even see the sunlight and I knew that was a complete waste of time and I was totally pissed of myself running and ruining all my times.  I was hungry, I was lazy, I was pissed off, I was sick and I am sad, I didn’t know what the fuck I am going to do, it was already night, the time when it come again for sleep.

Later after 5 minutes subduing my laziness, I picked up those dirty bowls, curry cooker, plates and went to tap to wash and prepare food to at least to fill up my empty stomach and rest to leave on its own;  with thought ‘what ever happen will happen and is destined’. And there I was in bath room about to wash, filling up buckets with water, rinsing plates and suddenly when I pick up the dish-washer(pril) I found myself with the ‘morning purifying face-wash ‘ on my hand, breaking up myself into soft laughter. The very time, I didn’t know how my thoughts suddenly clean up and started feeling fresh, but I thought, god at least want us to smile no matter what and there is always a reason in this world for everything to accept.

At last, i recovered everything with smile and was good start to October days ending troublesome September :) .

'EVEN IN THE DIFFICULT TIMES, WE ARE STILL FULL OF BLESSINGS'-  PEMA CHODRON.

A KID I MET ROADSIDE.

Crusted sweats was a road through his dusted face.

His hand were dangling like a pendulum.

His legs were shivering like an alcoholic.

His eyes drowned and dimmed,

So much of stories buried inside.

And i could feel his tighten chest,

That breath stuck on his chest,

I could feel his churning acidified stomach,

That terrible hunger cramp.

So much was a suffering,

Even the death would do justice even if it's early.

     MISTED THOUGHT

The epoch,

Eventuated uncontrollably.

I wonder, if it's hide and seek in deepest dark,

And i ain't sure if i should even believe in transcendence.

A transcendence like mist through walls.

See, its current,

Its floats and waves,

Sweep with blood in veins undistinguished 

Indeed malignantly growing within.

And yet felt controlled on its own.

But why do i feel so drunk on it?

You think it's normal.

 All those furious madness in windows,

With shelf dropping evenly.

And all those hunger of mouth line.

Everybody need love

Yeah, i am a men,
But drawn and magnified;
     To a king,
     To a soldier,
     To a lion,
     To every big and strongest character.
But i am not a rock.
Indeed i still need you.
    You to kiss me through  all the days that comes by,
    You to hug me through all the night that comes by,
    You to care me through all the time when i need,
    You to teach me in all the wrong times that comes by
    You to support me in all the times when i am weak,
Because you are my every thing;
    My crown,
    My arm,
    My kingdom,
And all of you is my womb of where my bravery born.
You are my confidante, a wing that i need to fly.

                                 

This piece of poem is written in one of my cold and desperate college days.
I know it's not as good and beautiful as those influential poets around, but this is basically dedicated to all those people who struggle for all that little love and to those people who are in distanced relationship fighting for the time-a biggest time which they wait for, to  change all their life story into a beautiful one.
In this world, most men and women usually don't open themselves and most of the time, when it comes to relation they hold thing's to the certain extreme that they even get tired and exhausted.  a question is, who is there in this world who don't need love and care?
Acting strong and holding up to things even if you have a place to share makes you no strong then wearing within oneself, an emotional stress can't be dissolved neither be erased until it is suffice by the love that you long for.
A men is strong human being, but still he needs genuine affection and love. It require all that feeling of magic(love) to make everything beautiful and feel good.

UNDEF-EATABLE FORCE. 

Furious waves against front,

Roar consistently loud.

The lightening through dark sky catastrophically electrifying,

 With storm and thunder terrifying.

It was dark as the hell could be,

And heavy rain made it worst.

He groan like thunder in extreme pain,

But rickety leg still keeps up

His texture was lost into blood and mud,

His spirits were destroyed,

His resistance collapsed,

His motivation faded,

His energy exhausted,

His faith lost,

But in the midst of terror , wars and demons,

He still fought with a hope,

A hope that would kiss him one day with happiness.

STORM MAKES YOU STRONGER.

Catastrophic failures:
Like mist through walls,
Storm every now and then,
A battle born,
The journey is tough,
To peak failure rob and
At point feel melted down

A pregnant mind of malformed:
Bred thoughts,
Alarmed emotions and
Suffocate breath.
So much it wounds,
Even unpacking the trusted soldier,
A pregnant mind of rickety thought.

All mighty,
Hear those stories
And bless with light.
To the ultimate,
let them discover;
         'It's okay to get burnt down,
         It's okay to fall down,
          It's okay to be broken.
It's all the blessing that makes you stronger the next dawn fall.

                                          [a men who passes storm becomes steel]
It's basically the true motion of life that test you always how much stronger you are.

Forty Eight Hours.

My mind, pages of a book of my body,
My senses scribble over it consistently,
Millions of storms,
I feel consumed yet there isn't an end.

Who would stare to the watch whole night,
When world is dark and dead.
But thousand of time, my tireless eye does in search of what i really don't know,
And yet i am devastated when whole world awakes,

I am all consumed all bit and pieces,
Still dawn light didn't save me yet,
The longest and deepest of sleep i seek
But limitless energy keep me wide open which i never find when i want to close.

What is so wrong?
I try to settle down for the quickest answer i could find,
Yet i am blank, devastated and consumed,
So big, a hell swallowed me throughout.

HER ANGER VS ME

Infinite,

Her heart as ocean drank,

So less to say and easily she could hide.

like the blow of air to the candle light.

Yet seed sown in my field never grew.

Water on heat, 

Was her blood I could feel in veins, 

Her roars i could hear in tremor,

But it's so less  could get.
Yet the seed sown never give me surprise.

My storm,

How she would calm several times,
So big I expected I can calm too.

But the time has never shown.

Her demon never troubles me but those tiring eye does.

MY WALLS ONLY HEAR MY SILENCE.

Cold in summer,
Scalp to toe nail,
To all extremities.
A hell.

Loud and active,
Busy is the city outside,
But silence has engulfed like a storm.

Darkness in day,
Deep and intense within my walls,
But sleep is out somewhere,
The disaster.

The air so thin,
Yet iced, it's hard to breath.
It's only my pen and walls that see me.

‪#‎ to all lonely days that's hard to digest.